I have been asked a lot recently, what does a healthy relationship look like? What are the people who have secure relationships doing? They have learnt, over time, how to balance the ‘we’ and the ‘me’, to repair the inevitable …
Category: Psychotherapy
The Dynamic Between The Disorganised And The Securely Attached
Of course, you don’t outwardly want to recreate your childhood chaos. You hope to have left that far behind. But your subconscious wants to recreate what it knows: insecurity, instability, danger and even abuse. You are used to chaos, to …
The Dynamic Between The Avoidant and The Securely Attached
Something I haven’t seen talked about anywhere else is the phenomenon where an avoidant will create an anxious attachment out of a normally securely attached person. Can this happen? Yes! I know because I have had this experience myself. …
Do You Identify With Being a Cycle Breaker?
As a cycle breaker, pushback for your family is common. Pushback sounds like: You are the problem. We are fine. Why are you causing such a fuss? You always overreact. Why do you need to be different? What’s wrong with …
Relational Dynamics Between Anxious And Securely Attached People
Being in a relationship with an anxiously attached person can feel suffocating. Small things might trigger them. Like not returning a call until after work, which is interpreted as not being committed. After a while, this all becomes a …
Dynamics between avoidant and anxiously attached
I’ve had a lot of requests for more details about the avoidant/anxious dynamic. I hope this gives a bit more insight. If you think of every adult as having a child-like part and an adult-like part, certain combinations are …
Supporting a partner with Disorganised Attachment Style
Children are wired for survival. To survive, they will adapt to their environment to get their needs for food, love, and security met. In children who show disorganised attachment, the primary caregiver has been erratic, unpredictable and sometimes abusive and …
Where Is Your Energy Going?
At some point, many of us will find ourselves contemplating what is meaningful. What is life about for me? My time here is limited, so what would a meaningful life look like for me? Here are some things to ponder …
Tips for Disorganised Attachment Style
This attachment style is a combination of the previous two (avoidant and ambivalent/anxious). Disorganised children give inconsistent responses in the presence of their primary caregiver due to inconsistent behaviour from the parent. Sometimes the parent is a safe and supportive …
Supporting an Avoidanlty Attached Partner
Avoidantly attached people often have a well-developed ‘inner adult’. They are stable, secure and seem to have it all worked out. This can be very attractive for people who have a well developed ‘inner child’. They feel safe with this …