If you didn’t grow up with secure attachment, it can feel like chasing something that you don’t have a clear idea of. So, let’s make it real. This is the felt sense of secure attachment. It’s calm. It’s steady. And …
Tag: attachment theory
What Secure Attachment Feels Like
In a secure relationship, your nervous system’s resting place is in the ventral vagal state—a branch of the parasympathetic nervous system associated with social engagement, safety, and calmness. The goal isn’t to stay in this state all the time. It’s …
Attachment Injuries with Dr Clare Rosoman
Last week, on the Psychotherapy Central podcast, I spoke with Dr Clare Rosoman about attachment injuries and just how wide-ranging they can be, and how they disrupt fundamental questions of emotional safety and trust. We then review the Attachment Injury …
Breaking the Pursuer-Withdrawer Cycle
Do you find yourself chasing while your partner pulls away? Or perhaps you’re the one retreating when emotions feel overwhelming? This pattern—the Pursuer-Withdrawer Cycle—is one of the most common relationship dynamics keeping couples stuck and disconnected. Healing begins with awareness. …
Why Avoidant Partners Pull Away
If your partner shuts down or distances themselves when stressed, it doesn’t mean they don’t care. People with avoidant attachment styles often move away as a protective strategy—not to hurt you, but to keep themselves safe. Avoidant behaviour isn’t about …
We Choose Avoidant Partners: An Internal Family Systems Perspective
‘Many of you may feel stuck in a painful cycle—repeatedly choosing avoidant or emotionally distant partners despite craving closeness. You might wonder why you always feel unseen, unheard, or unimportant in relationships. When you feel this way, it is common …
Why You Feel So Anxious After a Fight
This is where therapy can be life-changing.Check out Episode 39 of the Psychotherapy Central Podcast: Understanding and Healing Protest Behaviors Through an IFS Lens.Listen here: Enjoy, and let me know what you think in the comments.Love, Jen
Apology in the Family
“As a therapist, I’ve noticed that people who grew up in families where no one apologized after disagreements and just let time pass often carry that experience into adulthood in unexpected ways. When conflict is ignored instead of addressed, it …
