With the presence of a designated scapegoat, there may be a lot of hidden dysfunction. It can be much easier to hide an abusive marriage with the presence of a child who has problems and is constantly misbehaving, etc. No …
Tag: Relationships
Black Sheep of The Family
If you were labeled the black sheep in your family, know this is only one potential dynamic that might have been playing out in your family. Every family is unique, with unique dynamics. Being the black sheep can be a …
Identifying Triangulation
Have you ever found yourself in a toxic triad? I know I have. Some triangles are healthy and helpful, for example, when work colleagues struggling with a piece of work approach their boss for some help, or when two quarreling …
The Effects of Drawing Children into Adult Conflicts
One of the most common examples of this is during a divorce. Both parents are vying for the emotional support of the children. They are consciously manipulating the children to align with them. This might take the form of comments …
What is Parentification?
Not everyone who experiences parentification also experiences negative effects as adults. However, some of the things you may experience are a loss of a sense of playfulness and a feeling of not having had a fun childhood. There is often …
7 Communication Skills That Will Change Your Relationship
𝐀 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞: “𝐈 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐮𝐩𝐬𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐢𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐨 𝐮𝐩𝐬𝐞𝐭 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭.” I can’t overemphasise how healing it is to hear, “the way you …
What is Reparenting?
When we have experienced neglect, abuse, invalidation, narcissism, conflict or violence as children, as adults, there is still part of us that is expecting the same behaviour from those we love. We learn that love looks and feels like conflict, …
A Personal Post for Father’s Day
Seven years ago, my father died at 91 years old. I had the opportunity to be with him for about four weeks before he passed. As he lay in his bed, getting weaker and weaker and having a dose of …
Validation
The inner child needs to be validated. They need to have THEIR version of reality validated by you. Suppose your inner child has been told for years that she is ‘too sensitive’ to all the fighting that went on in …
Getting to Know Your Inner Child
When I first met my inner child doing an inner child meditation similar to the one in the ‘Meet your Inner Child’ short course, she was about 16, sitting on a wall, wearing knee-length leather boots, smoking a cigarette with …