One of the most important things to understand about trauma is that when we’re triggered, we’re often not responding from our adult self. We’re responding from the age the wound was created. A disagreement with your partner might suddenly feel …
Tag: Psychotherapy
How Confidence Is Really Built
Your brain doesn’t learn that you’re capable because you tell yourself you are. It learns because you do hard things, survive them, and slowly begin to trust yourself. That’s how confidence is built. Confidence isn’t something you think your way …
The Biggest Mistake People Make in Healing
One of the biggest mistakes I see people make in healing is trying to get rid of the parts of themselves they don’t like. The anxious part, the angry part, the avoidant part, the people-pleaser, the perfectionist. I get it …
The Courage to Stay When Everything Feels Unfamiliar
At 12 years old, I left my school on a council estate in England to attend a private school on a scholarship. I remember feeling completely out of place. The girls seemed to come from a different world — they …
Memory Reconsolidation: Why Your Brain Can Still Heal
One of the most exciting discoveries in neuroscience is something called memory reconsolidation. For years, scientists believed that once an emotional memory was formed, it couldn’t be changed. We now know that’s not true. When an old emotional memory is …
Worrying Is the Worst Way to Use Your Imagination
Today someone said, “Worrying is the worst way to use your imagination,” and that’s easily the best thing I’ve heard all week. Like most people, I have a part that worries. Worries about my kids, my work, the world… Sometimes …
You Don’t Have to Remember What Happened to Heal
One of the biggest myths about healing is that you have to remember what happened. You don’t. Some of our deepest wounds were formed before we had language. Before we could tell a story or make sense of our experiences. …
The Angry Teenager: One of the Most Misunderstood Parts in Therapy
One of the most common parts I meet in therapy is the angry teenager. And often, people can’t stand that part and feel ashamed of it. They tell me: “I don’t like this part.”“It’s mean.”“It’s reactive.”“It’s not who I want …
The Most Powerful Words in Therapy: “That Makes Sense”
The most powerful words in therapy are often: “That makes sense.” Not because what happened was okay. Not because the behaviour should continue. But because when you understand why you feel, react, protect, withdraw, people-please, or overthink… You stop fighting …
The Most Powerful Words in Therapy: “That Makes Sense”
The most powerful words in therapy: “That makes sense.” Not because what happened was okay. Not because the behaviour should continue. But because when you understand why you feel, react, protect, withdraw, people-please, or overthink… You stop fighting yourself. And …