What if your personality… isn’t actually your personality? After more than twenty years as a psychotherapist, one of the biggest shifts in my thinking has been this: many of the things we judge most harshly about ourselves aren’t actually personality …
Category: Trauma
The Controlling Part: When Protection Gets Mistaken for Personality
“What if I told you that some of the things you call your personality… aren’t actually your personality?” After more than twenty years as a psychotherapist, one of the biggest shifts in my thinking has been this: many of the …
If the Pain Was Deep, You Will Have to Let It Go Many Times
“If the pain was deep, you will have to let it go many times.” — Yung Pueblo Not because you’re going backwards, but because you’re healing in layers. You might come back to the same memory many times. At first, …
You’re Not Just Building a Life — You’re Building the Safety You Never Had
You’re not just building a life. You’re building the safety you never had. People who grow up with consistent love, support and encouragement have an incredible advantage in life because they don’t have to spend so much of their energy …
You’re Not Acting Your Age When You’re Triggered
Have you ever reacted to something and afterwards thought, “Why did I act like that?” You knew your reaction didn’t fit the situation, but in the moment it felt completely real. We often call this “being irrational.” But that’s rarely …
5 Signs You’re Responding From an Old Wound, Not Your Adult Self
One of the clearest signs you’re responding from an old wound is that your reaction doesn’t seem to fit the situation in front of you. You might know you’re safe, but your body doesn’t. Your heart races, your chest tightens, …
When You’re Triggered, You’re Not Responding From Your Adult Self
One of the most important things to understand about trauma is that when we’re triggered, we’re often not responding from our adult self. We’re responding from the age the wound was created. A disagreement with your partner might suddenly feel …
The Biggest Mistake People Make in Healing
One of the biggest mistakes I see people make in healing is trying to get rid of the parts of themselves they don’t like. The anxious part, the angry part, the avoidant part, the people-pleaser, the perfectionist. I get it …
Memory Reconsolidation: Why Your Brain Can Still Heal
One of the most exciting discoveries in neuroscience is something called memory reconsolidation. For years, scientists believed that once an emotional memory was formed, it couldn’t be changed. We now know that’s not true. When an old emotional memory is …
When Your Body Remembers What Your Mind Can’t: Understanding Preverbal Parts
Sometimes the strongest emotional reactions aren’t coming from your adult self. They’re coming from a part of you that was formed before you even had words. A preverbal part. Preverbal parts are formed before we have language. They don’t communicate …