One of the biggest mistakes I see people make in healing is trying to get rid of the parts of themselves they don’t like. The anxious part, the angry part, the avoidant part, the people-pleaser, the perfectionist.
I get it — we want to get rid of them because we judge them, we fight them and wish they would disappear.
But what if those parts aren’t the problem? What if they’re trying to protect you in the only way they know how? What if they’ve simply been carrying too much for too long?
In Internal Family Systems (IFS), we don’t try to eliminate protective parts. We get curious about them. We ask what they’re afraid would happen if they stopped doing their job.
Because underneath almost every protective strategy is a younger part carrying pain that once felt unbearable. Most protective parts formed because something vulnerable needed protecting.
When those younger parts begin to heal, the protectors don’t have to work so hard. They don’t disappear. They relax and take on a different, more spacious role.
The goal isn’t to get rid of them. It’s to understand them. Help them. Heal what they’re protecting.
Healing isn’t about getting rid of parts of yourself. It’s about helping every part of you feel safe enough to finally put down the burden they’ve been carrying.
Healing isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about finally welcoming all of you home.
Love, Jen 🪷
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