You’re Not Acting Your Age When You’re Triggered

Have you ever reacted to something and afterwards thought, “Why did I act like that?”

You knew your reaction didn’t fit the situation, but in the moment it felt completely real.

We often call this “being irrational.” But that’s rarely what’s happening.

When we’re deeply triggered, we temporarily lose access to our adult Self.

Instead, younger parts of us begin to blend with our awareness.

• One part might be terrified.
• Another might be angry.
• Another desperately wants reassurance.
• Another wants to run away.

The more parts that blend at once, the more overwhelming everything feels. It’s like several younger versions of you are all trying to protect you at the same time. No wonder it feels confusing.

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Learning to Recognise Who’s Here

One of the biggest shifts in therapy is simply learning to recognise who’s here.

Instead of saying, “I’m a mess,” you begin saying:

• “A scared part is here.”
• “An angry part is here.”
• “A part of me feels abandoned.”

That small change creates space.

Healing isn’t about getting rid of these parts. It’s about helping your adult Self come back online so those younger parts no longer have to carry everything alone. That’s when your reactions begin to change naturally.

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Have you ever felt “crazy,” “irrational,” or “too emotional” when triggered? That’s something I see again and again after more than 20 years as a psychotherapist.

From an Internal Family Systems (IFS) perspective, intense emotional reactions often happen because several parts of us become activated at once. Each part is trying to protect us in the only way it knows how, based on past experiences.

When we can slow down, recognise these parts with curiosity rather than judgment, and reconnect with our adult Self, something begins to shift. We stop fighting ourselves and start understanding ourselves.

That understanding is often where healing begins.

Love, Jen 🪷

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Build Secure Attachment From the Inside Out

In my self-paced Inner Child Healing Course, I guide you to meet the younger parts of you that take over when you’re triggered, and to grow the loving, wise inner parent who can care for them. Five modules, guided meditations and a workbook, with lifetime access for US$97.

Launch bonus: join by Sunday 22 November and you’re invited to a live 50-minute Q&A with me.

“For the first time, I have a sense of me being there for the younger parts of myself instead of looking to other people to make me feel safe.” E. Mellody, past student