In some families, one child is subtly (or overtly) assigned the role of the scapegoat — the one who is blamed, criticised, or pathologised more than the others.
This dynamic allows the rest of the family to avoid looking at their own emotional challenges. By projecting the dysfunction onto one child, everyone else gets to feel more “together” or “stable” than they truly are.
The scapegoated child often grows up believing they are the problem. They may carry shame, low self-worth, or a deep sense of being misunderstood — even when they were the most emotionally honest person in the room.
Everyone benefits from this dynamic except the scapegoat.
If this was your role, please know: it was never about you. It was about the family system’s inability to hold emotional complexity without casting blame.
You deserved to be seen, supported, and celebrated for who you truly were. One of the best ways to do this is with a therapist. Healing is possible.
Love,
Jen 🪷
Build Secure Attachment From the Inside Out
In my self-paced Inner Child Healing Course, I guide you to meet the younger parts of you that take over when you’re triggered, and to grow the loving, wise inner parent who can care for them. Five modules, guided meditations and a workbook, with lifetime access for US$97.
Launch bonus: join by Sunday 22 November and you’re invited to a live 50-minute Q&A with me.
“For the first time, I have a sense of me being there for the younger parts of myself instead of looking to other people to make me feel safe.” E. Mellody, past student
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