Category: Psychotherapy

How Many Days Does It Take to Change a Habit? (According to the Research) How long does it take to change a habit? You have probably heard 21 days, or maybe 30 or 40? In a recent study by University College London, they discovered that it takes an average of 66 days to change a habit like eating fruit at lunch. They also found, if you miss a day here or there, it doesn’t affect your results, but being diligent at the beginning has more impact.

How Many Days Does It Take to Change a Habit? (According to the Research)

March 22, 2021

When you ask Google how long it takes to break a habit, you’ll probably land on a number between 21 and 28 days. This number is not grounded in scientific evidence at all. When I have been working on changing …

Read More

How to Reconnect After an Argument I felt pretty angry when we were having that conversation. I'm sorry if that pushed you away. I'm feeling quite disconnected right now and a bit scared. Could I have a hug? I'm not sure we resolved anything there. Could we try to discuss it again in a different way tomorrow? That was quite an intense discussion for me. Can we just sit together and have some tea? You feel distant after that conversation. Is there anything you need? Laugh about something unrelated. Talk about something else that is neutral for you both, like the gardening or a movie you watched.

How to Reconnect After an Argument

March 19, 2021

We all know that uncomfortable few minutes after a heated discussion. The argument’s energy is hanging in the air, and you are both processing what was said. If your trauma response has been activated, you might be calming your nervous …

Read More

How to Self-Soothe Let yourself know that you are not going to abandon yourself. Take three slow, deep, conscious breaths down into your belly. Notice: 5 things you can see around you 4 things you can touch 3 things you can hear 2 things you can smell 1 thing you can taste

How to Self-Soothe

March 19, 2021

Self-soothing is one of the most important life skills we can learn. So many of us did not learn this vital skill from our parents. They were distracted, absent, or unable to soothe their child because they couldn’t soothe themselves. …

Read More

What causes a dysregulated nervous system A trauma or event in the past that we could not process at the time, so it didn’t complete and got stuck in our nervous system. Continued exposure to danger and stress. Addictive substances Living in an unsafe environment Life transitions such as death, pregnancy, divorce etc.

What Causes a Dysregulated Nervous System?

March 19, 2021

The role of our nervous system is to ensure we survive. If we are under attack, it prepares us to move quickly, and if we are safe, it ensures other bodily functions such as digestion continue. Our parasympathetic nervous system …

Read More

No 2 Children have the same childhood

No Two children Have The Same Childhood

March 19, 2021

Is there space for them to BOTH be right? When one sibling remembers neglect, they remember the details and the house’s emotional temperature; that is their experience. That is what they remember. It is true for them.⁣⁣When the other sibling …

Read More

69% of relationship problems are unsolvable

69% of Relationship Problems are Unsolvable

March 16, 2021

According to the Gottman’s (excellent relationship researchers), 69% of relationship conflict is unsolvable. These are perpetual problems that stem from fundamental differences in beliefs or personality. They will be something that you return to as a couple repeatedly and often …

Read More

How to Regulate your Nervous System BELLY BREATHING – Take three deep breathes into your belly, long and slow, lasting about 3 seconds on both the inhalation and exhalation. SCREEN BREAK – Our nervous system becomes overstimulated with media and multitasking. Take regular breaks from screens, perhaps for 2 hours per day and one hour before sleep. MINDFULNESS – Bring your whole self into the present moment. Notice what you can hear, see, smell, taste and feel. AFFIRMATION – Repeat to yourself, “I am happy, I am healthy, I have everything I need” three or more times. INNER CHILD – Take time to connect with your Inner Child and talk to them. Find out how they are and what they need to feel safe and calm. NATURE AND SUNSHINE – Nature is a natural regulator, go somewhere in nature and notice everything around you, the colours, sounds, and feelings. Imagine you can begin to breathe with nature in this place—breath in the serotonin-producing sunshine. CO-REGULATION – Regulating your nervous system with someone else. You can do this by sharing with someone you love and enjoying something together. MAKE TIME FOR JOY – Do something you love; gardening, baking, painting, reading, singing or dancing. This tells your nervous system that you are safe.

How to Regulate your Nervous System

March 16, 2021

Adults who have experienced trauma at an early age are prone to experiencing dysregulation of the nervous system, especially when stressed. Dysregulation is known to be linked to depression, addiction, anxiety and emotional outbursts.⁣ The good news is that we …

Read More

The Autonomic Nervous System Explained Sympathetic Fight or flight Prepares the body for stress Cortisol and adrenaline Increases heart rate and blood pressure Decreases digestion Parasympathetic Rest and digest Returns the body to a calm state Growth hormones, DHEA, Melatonin Decreases heart rate Repairs the body

The Autonomic Nervous System Explained

March 16, 2021

Our nervous system functions are essential because it affects how we are physically and emotionally and how quickly we can bring ourselves back into balance after a shock or a triggering event. The autonomic nervous system (ANS) is part of …

Read More

Parenting Tips From A 10-Year-Old

Parenting Tips From A 10-Year-Old

March 16, 2021

This was totally unprompted, she had no idea what I was going to ask her. How amazing is it that the first thing she says is tone and softness of voice! This shows the impact of using a soothing tone …

Read More

6 Research-Based Reasons Hugging is Good for You Research shows people who are hugged more have less severe illnesses Hugging can lower blood pressure Hugging can decrease your heart rate Hugging involves some deep pressure to the skin, which calms the autonomic nervous system (responsible for fight or flight) This deep pressure reduces the stress hormone cortisol During a hug, we release oxytocin (the bonding hormone) which reduces stress

6 Research-Based Reasons Hugging is Good for You

March 16, 2021

How long to hug for? Google says 20 seconds, but I couldn’t find any research to back that up. What is important is that you have the time YOU need to relax into the hug. If you are hugging a …

Read More