This is the pursuer/withdrawer dynamic identified by Dr Sue Johnson in her brilliant book “Hold Me Tight”. It is the dance of the anxious (pursuer) and the avoidant (withdrawer). I know this dance well because it is one my husband …
Tag: Relationships
Protest Behaviours
This kind of clear communication builds the solid foundation of a lasting, secure relationship. If you had unhealthy relationship behaviours modeled for you as a child, it might take a while for you to shift into healthy ones, but it …
Do You Feel Shamed as a Cycle Breaker?
There are many subtle ways the cycle breaker is shamed in the family; I hope the list above is helpful in spotting some of the behaviours. A big thank you to my Instagram community for adding to this list. …
Sharing Your Needs
Once we know what we need, how do we communicate? Many of us have learned that our needs are not important and, in some cases, that the needs of the parent are bigger and more important than our needs. So, …
Valuing Your Needs
Think about hunger. We need this physical impulse to tell us when and how much to eat. If this impulse is denied and pushed down, again and again, there is a resulting imbalance and self-denial at the most primal level. …
Feeling Isolated as a Cycle Breaker
Many families have someone who breaks the cycle, know that you are not alone. If you would like some help breaking unhealthy cycles and shifting attachment styles, you will LOVE my 6-week course – Relationship Cycle Breakers. New intake starts …
Indications Of Healing In My Relationships
Ram Dass (@babaramdass) says that relationships are one of the most challenging forms of yoga. When he says this, he is talking about the way you meet in an intimate relationship. You will see all of the parts of self …
Signs of a Secure Healthy Relationship
I have been asked a lot recently, what does a healthy relationship look like? What are the people who have secure relationships doing? They have learnt, over time, how to balance the ‘we’ and the ‘me’, to repair the inevitable …
Relational Dynamics Between Anxious And Securely Attached People
Being in a relationship with an anxiously attached person can feel suffocating. Small things might trigger them. Like not returning a call until after work, which is interpreted as not being committed. After a while, this all becomes a …
Dynamics between avoidant and anxiously attached
I’ve had a lot of requests for more details about the avoidant/anxious dynamic. I hope this gives a bit more insight. If you think of every adult as having a child-like part and an adult-like part, certain combinations are …