Relational Dynamics Between Anxious And Securely Attached People

Being in a relationship with an anxiously attached person can feel suffocating. Small things might trigger them. Like not returning a call until after work, which is interpreted as not being committed.⁣

After a while, this all becomes a bit annoying for the secure style. They might feel like nothing they do is enough to make her feel secure in the relationship. He does his best, and then, boom, she is triggered and threatens to break up with him.⁣

She does this as a way of protecting herself. She thinks:⁣

“If he is ‘not that into me’ then it is better for my own mental health to be without him. He can’t give me what I need. I think he is avoidant.”⁣

Subconsciously, she is throwing a grenade into the relationship to get a response. She wants him to move towards her. For the partner, this is extremely confusing. He might be thinking:⁣

“I have been consistent, faithful, and expressed my love for her, but it is still not enough, she doesn’t trust me. Then when I don’t see her for a while, she wants to break up with me. Maybe this is just too hard.”⁣

Remember this is a relationship pattern that CAN be changed. If you are the anxious style take a look at my post on tools for the anxiously attached.⁣

Anxiously attached partners often have BIG hearts and are very caring, loving, and sensitive. With care and attention, they can make great partners.⁣

If you are interested in learning more about attachment theory, especially the anxious style, you might enjoy my FREE video training