Have you ever marvelled at how some people seem to know exactly what they need at any given moment? Do you often feel numb and have no idea? This is one of the traits of the avoidantly attached. The avoidantly …
Signs I Am Healing In My Relationships
Ram Dass says that relationships are one of the most challenging forms of yoga. When he says this, he is talking about the way you meet in an intimate relationship. You will see all of the parts of self when …
A secure Home Base
When I was training to be a psychotherapist, I was not taught about co-regulation. I was taught about theories, CBT, existential practice, narrative therapy, person-centred therapy. I mainly was taught to listen deeply. To become aware of the parts of …
Saying Goodbye to Olive
On Saturday at 3.30pm, we said goodbye to Olive, our chocolate labrador. She was our first baby. I still called her ‘baby girl’ although she was 16.8 years old, which in dog years is beyond geriatric. One of my happiest …
What Does A Secure, Healthy Relationship Look Like?
I have been asked a lot recently, what does a healthy relationship look like? What are the people who have secure relationships doing? They have learnt, over time, how to balance the ‘we’ and the ‘me’, to repair the inevitable …
The Dance Of The Disorganised And The Securely Attached
So, it starts great. It is AMAZING for the disorganised person to finally be in a relationship with someone who appreciates and respects you. Your new partner is attentive, calls and texts regularly and doesn’t leave you guessing. They do …
The Dance of The Avoidant and The Securely Attached
Something I haven’t seen talked about anywhere else is the phenomenon where an avoidant will create an anxious attachment out of a normally securely attached person. Can this happen? Yes! I know because I have had this experience myself. I …
Are You a Cycle Breaker?
As a cycle breaker, it is common to get push back. Push back sounds like this: Do you think you are better than us? Why are you making such a fuss? You are so over-sensitive. Why do you always have …
The Dance Of The Anxious And The Securely Attached
The honeymoon phase for the anxiously attached is wonderful, as they finally find someone to partner with. Deep down they feel that the world is not a safe place, so it is safer with someone than alone. The honeymoon phase …
The Dance Of The Avoidant & The Anxiously Attached
If you think of every adult as having a child-like part and an adult-like part, certain combinations are very attractive. For example, an adult with a well-developed adult part, let’s say he’s a banker. Quite serious, not much fun. He …