The curiosity here is around reactivity, and when fight, flight or freeze might take over for either of you in the relationship. This is a conversation that needs to happen when you are NOT in the middle of an argument. …
Category: Relationships
How to Take a Break During an Argument
Storming out during an argument is not a great way to take a break. Maybe you return to the argument, but more often than not there is still tension in the air, maybe you become passive-aggressive with one another and …
Communicating Needs Without Losing it.
When we ask for something, we risk being and feeling rejected. We are vulnerable. To cover that vulnerability, many of us will use anger or force. How can I ask for what I need and hold onto the part of …
Most Relationship Conflict Is Really About Differing Values:
Have you ever wondered why you end up fighting your partner over and over again about the same thing, a different situation, but the same topic? Let’s take a typical example, money. It might be that in your relationship, you …
Humans are Wired For Connection
Have you ever felt the desire to connect, but felt sabotaged by another part of yourself that wants to protect? Both are compulsions. To desire to connect is human. We are wired for connection. When we have experienced trauma, we …
When We Are Driven By Obligation Not Values
I grew up in a pretty obligation free zone. Although we had clear rules about behaviour and other things, there wasn’t a general feeling of obligation. No, “you need to call your mother” or “you need to look after us …
Things for Cycle Breakers To Remember About Family
For all the cycle breakers out there, this is for you. When you feel like you don’t belong in your family, you just feel somehow different, know that you are not alone. It’s okay to see patterns in your family …
When We Argue I Wonder if This is The Right Relationship For Me
When the Princess meets the Prince in the Disney movies, it is happily ever after. We don’t see the scenes a year on when they argue about when to have a child, where to live, and how much contact there …
I Get So Upset When He Doesn’t Know What I Need. Why Is That?
There were so many comments on point 1 in yesterday’s post, ‘unrealistic relationship expectations: my partner should be able to read my mind’ that I thought it was worth unpacking. It is often the case that we think we are …
6 Unrealistic Relationship Expectations
We come into most intimate relationships with a long list of conscious and unconscious expectations. Some gathered from the movies and totally unrealistic and some gathered from our lived experience and parents and unhealthy. Any robust relationship requires work from …