Important skill: letting people be disappointed without rushing to rescue or explain. You can be kind — without over-functioning. You can care — without contorting yourself. You can choose your own capacity — and still be a good person. Discomfort …
Category: Relationships
What the Taylor Swift and Blake Lively Texts Teach Us About Friendship and Conflict
As a psychotherapist, I broke down the Taylor Swift–Blake Lively texts for body+soul.com.au, revealing what they got right (vulnerable check-ins!), what could’ve been better (earlier reciprocity), and lessons for us all. Conflict avoidant? Their bold honesty shows that naming the …
Sometimes We Don’t Need Advice — We Just Need to Be Heard
“Advice can often leave me feeling worse, even if it is well-intentioned. I just want to be heard and feel understood, even if it doesn’t make sense to the other person.” “Sometimes what helps most isn’t advice — it’s someone …
When the Avoidant Part Takes Over: It’s Protection, Not Punishment
When the avoidant part takes over, it’s because closeness feels unsafe. This part learned to rely on itself. So it pulls back, shuts down, stays busy — not to punish, but to protect. Pressure doesn’t soften it. Gentleness, curiosity and …
When the Anxious Part Takes Over
When the anxious part takes over, it’s because something feels at risk. This part fears disconnection. So it watches, worries, reaches — not to control, but to protect. Reassurance doesn’t calm it. Presence does. When you stay with this part, …
When You Feel Unsafe, a Part Steps In
When you feel unsafe, a part steps in. Automatically. Instinctively. Intelligently. That part is a strategy your system learned. Listening to this part brings relief. Fighting it creates more tension. In parts work, we don’t ask, “How do I stop …
Breaking the Cycle of Toxic Criticism and Defensiveness
When your partner criticises you, what happens inside? For some people, the body wants to shrink, go quiet, or disappear. For others, there’s an immediate surge of defensiveness or counter-attack. Both responses are protective. They developed for a reason. And …
Year-End Reflection Questions for You and Your Relationship
Before we rush into goals, plans, or reinvention, there’s real value in pausing to reflect on the year we’ve just lived. Reflection helps us integrate what mattered, what changed us, and what we’re ready to carry forward — rather than …
What 20 Years of Marriage Taught Me About Lasting Love
This is the moment in our wedding when the ring wouldn’t go over my knuckle. My husband didn’t want to push too hard and hurt me. I knew it wasn’t hurting at all. He twisted it, tried to be gentle, …
You Heal From Toxic Connections by Forming Healthy Ones
You heal from toxic connections by forming healthy ones. Every safe, attuned relationship teaches your nervous system that connection can feel calm, consistent, and safe — not chaotic or unpredictable. This is how new patterns begin. Each positive connection becomes …