If you didn’t grow up with secure attachment, it can feel like chasing something that you don’t have a clear idea of. So, let’s make it real. This is the felt sense of secure attachment. It’s calm. It’s steady. And …
Category: Relationships
What Secure Attachment Feels Like
In a secure relationship, your nervous system’s resting place is in the ventral vagal state—a branch of the parasympathetic nervous system associated with social engagement, safety, and calmness. The goal isn’t to stay in this state all the time. It’s …
What is an Attachment Injury
An attachment injury happens when the person you rely on most—your partner, parent, or caregiver—fails to respond in a moment of deep need. These moments leave emotional bruises that say: “I can’t trust you to be there for me.” …
Connection and Trauma
When we’ve experienced trauma, it’s common to want to pull away. To feel shame. To think, “I should be over this by now,” or “What’s wrong with me?” Confusion, anger, and self-judgment often follow—and all of that is completely normal.But …
When You’ve Been Hurt, Think About This
When we’ve been hurt, lashing out can feel justified. It’s a natural response to pain. But if we stay in punishment mode, we risk doing more damage to the relationship. The real challenge for the hurt partner is this: Do …
Attachment Injuries with Dr Clare Rosoman
Last week, on the Psychotherapy Central podcast, I spoke with Dr Clare Rosoman about attachment injuries and just how wide-ranging they can be, and how they disrupt fundamental questions of emotional safety and trust. We then review the Attachment Injury …
Most Relationship Conflict Is Really About Differing Values
Ever notice how you keep having the same argument with your partner? Different situation, same theme—on repeat. Let’s take a classic example: money.Maybe you’re the saver and your partner’s the spender. When they make a big purchase, you feel frustrated—maybe …
Repairing Attachment Injuries in Close Relationships_Dr Clare Rosoman
I just loved this conversation with Clare about her incredible new book. I’ve personally had the most amazing experience in EFT couple therapy with my husband of 19 years. In this episode, I talk about an attachment injury that we …
Deep Emotional Needs of the Avoidantly Attached
On the surface, avoidant behaviour can look like disinterest, withdrawal, or emotional distance.But underneath… it’s often a different story. Avoidantly attached people do have deep emotional needs—just like everyone else.They’ve just learned, often very early in life, that expressing those …
We Aren’t Responsible for Other People’s Emotions
You don’t get to hurt someone and walk away with clean hands.Love means repair.Love means care.Love means being a fierce protector of your partner’s heart, even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard. Let’s raise the standard for what emotional …