Tag: Relationships

I Find Myself Losing it When I Try to Communicate my Needs. Be gentle with yourself. When did you learn that you needed to ‘lose it’ to get your needs met? We all have a vulnerable part of us that has valid needs. That part of you needs to be tended to. It needs to be approached with love and gentleness to be heard and understood. You might do this with your inner child or through other inner work.

Communicating Needs Without Losing it.

May 20, 2021

When we ask for something, we risk being and feeling rejected. We are vulnerable. To cover that vulnerability, many of us will use anger or force.  How can I ask for what I need and hold onto the part of …

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Most Relationship Conflict Is Really About Differing Values: Helpful discussions to have come from questions like: Look at a list of values. What are your top three values? Why are these things important to you? What has made these values important to you? What are your simple pleasures in life? Do you value honesty in our relationship? What does the interplay of: work and family work and friends friends and family look like for you now and in the future? How do you show your love? What makes you feel loved?

Most Relationship Conflict Is Really About Differing Values:

May 20, 2021

Have you ever wondered why you end up fighting your partner over and over again about the same thing, a different situation, but the same topic? Let’s take a typical example, money. It might be that in your relationship, you …

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Humans are wired for connection - we’re social creatures. But trauma wires us to protect, it tells us the world isn’t safe. So as we reach out for connection, there is often part of us that is subconsciously waiting to pull back to protect. Do you find in relationships that you have this deep yearning to connect, which is part of our biology, and also this impulse to withdraw and protect? Trauma wries us for protection, it teaches us that the world is not a safe place, so as we reach out to connect, there is often part of us that is subconsciously waiting to pull back to protect.

Humans are Wired For Connection

May 20, 2021

Have you ever felt the desire to connect, but felt sabotaged by another part of yourself that wants to protect?  Both are compulsions. To desire to connect is human. We are wired for connection. When we have experienced trauma, we …

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Research Proves Benefits of Gratitude Improved relationships (Algoe, Haidt, & Gable, 2008) Increased life satisfaction (Froh, Safick, & Emmons, 2008) Improves psychological health and happiness (Emmons & Shelton, 2002) Improved sleep – Journaling Increased mental fortitude – reduced stress Increased physical health Improved self-esteem Reduced tendency to compare self to others

Research Proves Benefits Of Gratitude

May 19, 2021

The word gratitude comes from the Latin gratia, meaning grace or gratefulness. Its root is linked to kindness, beauty and giving (Emmons & Shelton, 2002).  We can express gratitude towards others or something greater than self (like nature or Source) …

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is it bad that i cry

Is It Bad That I Cry?

May 12, 2021

When people are uncomfortable with your emotional vulnerability it is great to get curious.  What is their relationship with their own emotions?  How were emotions dealt with in their family of origin?  What did they learn in their family about …

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t is Not Weak to Yearn For Deep Connection When connection hasn’t been safe, or you have felt rejected and unloved, you might find yourself pulling away from connection to protect your heart. You decide that you are safer alone. That people can come close, but not too close. You decide that it is safer to rely only on yourself. You become incredibly independent. You are praised for your level of independence. But inside you are lonely. You wonder why you haven't met the right person, why you feel blocked in your relationships. You desperately want to let someone in, but you are so afraid.

It is Not Weak to Yearn For Deep Connection

May 1, 2021

Relational patterns can be difficult to shift. I find it is in the small moments of change that big shifts occur. If you would like to work on your relational patterns, you might enjoy my upcoming course, ‘Relationship Cycle Breaker’. …

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WHEN YOU ARE IN PATTERN REPEAT… Become aware that you are experiencing a pattern Be curious about that pattern, be gentle with yourself Know that it has come from somewhere, and be gentle again Ask yourself: What do I truly want? Are my actions moving me towards that or away from it? What can I do differently to move towards what I really want? How can I be accountable for implementing these things? What gift can I give myself when I succeed? How will it feel when I have what I truly want? Image that for a moment, what does it feel, look, smell like?

When You Are In Repeat Pattern…

April 26, 2021

We have all been there, at that moment when you are doing precisely the same thing AGAIN. You are in pattern repeat, a cycle. For example, you are annoyed that your partner just spent a whole lot of the family …

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Things for Cycle Breakers To Remember About Family Your family will always be your family, and it is up to you how much time you spend with them. You are allowed to have friends outside of the family unit. You are allowed to have beliefs, thoughts, opinions and interests that are not generally held in your family. You are not alone. Most families have at least one cycle breaker. You are not obligated to have relationships with unhealthy people just because they are your family. It is difficult to have healthy relationships with people who don't want healthy relationships. Managing expectations. What are they capable of? Aligning expectations with capability. It’s okay to be different. You are likely to find another family outside of your family unit. Hopefully, you can have both.

Things for Cycle Breakers To Remember About Family

April 26, 2021

For all the cycle breakers out there, this is for you. When you feel like you don’t belong in your family, you just feel somehow different, know that you are not alone. It’s okay to see patterns in your family …

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When We Argue I Wonder if This is The Right Relationship For Me When two people come together, so do two completely different worlds. It is NORMAL for some arguments and differences to be resolved as you get closer and enter into more intimacy. This is part of the trust-building process. Can we be different and still stay connected and be curious about each other’s world? Can we disagree, and both still feel safe, physically, mentally and emotionally. You really get to know someone when you argue.

When We Argue I Wonder if This is The Right Relationship For Me

April 23, 2021

When the Princess meets the Prince in the Disney movies, it is happily ever after. We don’t see the scenes a year on when they argue about when to have a child, where to live, and how much contact there …

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I get so upset when he doesn’t know what I need. Why is that? When our parents were dismissive of our needs, we learned that our needs didnt matter, and started to disconnect from our needs in general. So, it is not surprising, when your partner doesn't automatically know what you need, that you become genuinely distressed.

I Get So Upset When He Doesn’t Know What I Need. Why Is That?

April 20, 2021

There were so many comments on point 1 in yesterday’s post, ‘unrealistic relationship expectations: my partner should be able to read my mind’ that I thought it was worth unpacking.  It is often the case that we think we are …

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