Over and over again, I see people who have had to look outside the BIOLOGICAL family unit for affirmation, acceptance, connection and love. Sometimes this is due to physical distance. When children immigrate as adults, they need to build a …
Tag: attachment theory
Relational Trauma Requires Relational Healing
We can learn to self-regulate as adults, but this is only part of the process. The other part is the healing that happens in a two-person system – relationally. Relational trauma requires relational healing. The wounds of childhood trauma are …
Attachment Trauma
How’s this for coincidence. About two months ago, I started to create the outline for my book around healing attachment wounds focusing on somatic practices, and The Embody Lab announced a Certificate in Somatic Attachment Therapy! When I saw it, …
Deep Attunement for Trauma
THIS IS THE WORK. As a therapist, it is my job to be deeply attuned to my clients, notice when they are becoming distressed, and assist them in returning to their window of tolerance. I like to think of it …
Trauma & Secure Attachment
When we experience trauma as a child, and our mother (or primary caregiver) is not attuned to our needs, this is attachment trauma. 50% of the population have an insecure attachment style. This means the mother was not available in …
10 Ways the Fawn Response Shows Up in Relationships
The fawn response is a trauma response. It is a protective reaction to an unsafe situation, usually in our childhood. As adults, the fawn response shows up in relationships in different ways: I’ll say anything to keep the peace. I …
When You Are Overly Sensitive To Your Partner’s Moods
If you grew up in an emotionally unstable environment, you would have learned to watch for any little thing that might set them off. You learn to do things perfectly to avoid being shouted at or punished. You learn to …
The SUBMIT Response
We can only begin to heal from the ‘submit’ response when we are out of the abusive environment that caused it. Safety is the main priority, and if we are not safe, our nervous system is not safe to relax …
I Stay Too Long In The Wrong Relationships
Most of us have been conditioned to ignore or block out our feelings and our bodies. Part of finding our way back to health and wholeness is through reconnecting with our thoughts and feelings in a healthy way. We can …
Relationships are a Co-creation.
It is a fairytale to expect that love, desire and connection will be provided by our partner all of the time. That they will be able and willing to attend to us all of the time, to attune to us …