When we have experienced neglect, abuse, invalidation, narcissism, conflict or violence as children, as adults, there is still part of us that is expecting the same behaviour from those we love. We learn that love looks and feels like conflict, …
Anxiety Disorder V’s Normal Anxiety
Anxiety is a normal result of stress, which impulses to do something to get to safety. In the right situation, it can save our lives. When we can’t turn the anxiety down, it can lead to a generalised anxiety disorder …
Creativity and the Inner Child
This painting is Claude Monet’s ‘The Artist’s Garden at Vetheuil’. It happened to be hanging in a place we stayed in a few years ago, and I spent a good hour lying on the sofa, drinking chai tea and thinking …
Using the Inner Child to work with Emotions
I like to think of emotions as messengers. They are there to tell me that something is not right. There are LOTS of ways to work with emotions in psychotherapy. One way to do it is with the transactional analysis …
The Importance Of Joy
Having fun might sound simple, but for so many of us, the ability to relax and have fun was drilled out of us in childhood. If you grew up in an environment where you were in constant fight or flight, …
Integration
As children, we are complete, whole and unique. As we become socialised by our parents, we learn that parts of us are not acceptable. In response, we disown parts of us that are disliked or we think are wrong. In …
A Personal Post for Father’s Day
Seven years ago, my father died at 91 years old. I had the opportunity to be with him for about four weeks before he passed. As he lay in his bed, getting weaker and weaker and having a dose of …
The Art Of Self-Care
When discussing self-care with my clients, I like to start with the basics. Are you getting enough sleep? How much is enough sleep? Everyone is different, but I believe there is a minimum requirement for most people. A few years …
Self- Discipline
Wherever it was, know that your parents only did what they were taught or could manage at the time. Know that it is not your fault if you struggle with self-discipline. How are you supposed to know if you weren’t …
Validation
The inner child needs to be validated. They need to have THEIR version of reality validated by you. Suppose your inner child has been told for years that she is ‘too sensitive’ to all the fighting that went on in …