| | |

Understanding Needs in Relationships

Don’t shame yourself for having needs. Having needs is healthy, it is only when we try to get all our needs met through one person, that there is a problem. You’ll know this is happening because your inner child will throw tantrums when your needs are not being met. In a relationship, there are two people, with two different sets of needs. Make sure you know your partner's needs as well as you know your own. List your needs and assess which needs you can take care of and which needs are interpersonal. Think about all the different relationships that can take care of a need. For example, the need for deep connection. I have noticed that people who have deep connections with a few people tend to feel safer and more grounded than people who only have a deep connection in their intimate relationship. Think about ALL the people you would like to cultivate deeper intimacy with.

Attempting to get all our needs met through one person is often a subconscious pattern. We all have the need to be loved, and accepted, for play, for trust and connection. Some of these needs can only be met interpersonally, in relationships, but many of them can be met by self.

For example, the need to be loved. It is easy to think this need can only be met through a significant other, but is that true? How can we grow in SELF-LOVE? How do I show myself that I love myself on a daily basis? Do I talk to myself in a loving way?

If self-love is an area where you would like to see some growth, learning to work with your inner child is a game changer. If you would like a guided meditation to lead you into the healing work with your inner child, click here ‘Inner Child Healing Meditation’.

The next step is to think about ALL the people in your life where there are expressions of love and where I feel loved. How can I grow the love and connection in these relationships?

If you find you have very few, then the question might be, who in my life would I like more love and connection with and how might I start to cultivate that?

Getting our needs met by ourselves and in multiple healthy relationships is also a protective factor, in that if we are getting all our needs met by one person and that person leaves our life, we feel it much more deeply. If we have many connections, and a relationship breaks down, we are well supported.

I hope this is helpful on your #healingjourney

Much love, Jen


Discover more from Jennifer Nurick

Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.

Heal Your Anxious Attachment by Jennifer Nurick

Go deeper

Build secure attachment from the inside out

My book and courses offer a gentle, structured way to understand your patterns and care for the parts of you that learned to protect you. If you would like personal support, you can also work with me directly.

You might also like

Let me know what you're thinking