When a nervous system with little co-regulation starts to receive co-regulation as an adult, it will learn to regulate itself. This is where we reach the limits of individual personal development work. At this stage, we need to be in …
The Benefit of Verbalising Emotions
A UCLA study by Dr. Matthew D. Lieberman revealed that verbalising emotions like sadness, anger, and pain can reduce their intensity. When people experience fear or anger, the amygdala—an area of the brain—becomes more active. However, brain activity shifts from …
Emotional Awareness In Relationships
Is this easy? Hell no, as Brené would say. It goes against our wiring, especially if we have a trauma history; the impulse to get away can be overpowering. The power is in the pause. When we can pause and …
What to Avoid in an Argument
When we build up resentments in a relationship it is common that they will come pouring out in the midst of an argument. You start with a complaint about how they leave their clothes on the floor, they become defensive, …
Tips for Connecting at Dinner Time
I grew up eating my dinner with a tray on my lap in front of the TV watching Neighbours (an Aussie TV show that we LOVED in the UK with Kylie Minogue in it). We were together as a family, …
Rituals for Building Connection
When you are an early bird in a relationship with a night owl, you potentially miss out on many opportunities for connection. You might find less time to talk, less intimacy, less touch, and at worst, you live like friends …
Growing Trust in Your Relationships
Trust is the foundation of any relationship. It is difficult to be truly vulnerable with someone you don’t trust. Trust isn’t built overnight; it takes time. In a relationship, many small moments become the building blocks of trust. It might …
Turning Criticism into a Complaint
If you grew up with a lot of criticism around you, you likely have a loud, critical voice in your head as an adult. Usually, that critical voice is directed inward, but in intimate relations Criticism usually grows out of …
Tips to Become Less Defensive
The four communication styles that have a negative impact on your relationships according to the Gottmans: Everyone will have a favoured method. Mine is defensiveness. Defensiveness is a response to criticism and tends to increase conflict because the other person …