Much of the mental health and psychology literature has focused on the mother and the mother’s attachment. But what about our fathers? As children, we need a healthy father figure. It doesn’t have to be a biological father. It could …
12 Signs You Have a Mother Wound
Many of us spend years in confusion, anger, and grief about the mother relationship, trying to make sense of what happened. The relationship with the mother, who is usually the primary caretaker, is the first imprint we receive about …
Is It Possible To Change My Attachment Style?
Up until age two, our brain is growing at a furious rate. The neurons are connecting, and the brain is being wired, literally. In the relationship with our primary caregiver (usually the mother), we are being wired for relationship. If …
Breaking Family Cycles
My dad was a welder. He worked until he retired at 65. He did manual labour. He worked hard. To him, being a successful adult meant working hard, being frugal and staying safe. He didn’t know anyone who had gone …
What is a Cycle Breaker?
We all have repeating patterns or ‘cycles’ in our family of origin. It might be repeating patterns of failed marriages, drug and alcohol problems, or family conflict. You become a cycle breaker when you first see the cycle and …
The Cycle Breaker’s Circle
This is the cycle we all go through on any healing journey. We need to discover where we are stuck and what we inherited from our parents and childhood. Then, we need to attend to and heal those wounded parts, …
Conflict and Connection
Conflict provides an opportunity for a deeper connection. Most of us are not taught this. We are taught that conflict is scary and to be avoided. We might have learnt from our family of origin that conflict results in physical …
Feeling The Same Pain Again
Running from the pain won’t stop the pattern from repeating itself. Your subconscious is trying desperately to heal; it presents you with situation after situation until you pause and get curious. Not in a self-punishing way but in a compassionate, …
You Don’t Have To Feel Broken To See A Therapist
One of the most potent times to visit a therapist is when I am aware of repeating cycles in my life. My therapist helps me clarify what impulses me to behave in certain ways and where those impulses have come …
Give Up Being Right
Research in relationships shows that men find it more difficult than women to accept influence from their partners (see J. Gottman’s research). But, let’s face it, we can all love to win, and we are living in a culture that …