GOOD COMMUNICATION – repairing ruptures quickly, communicating wants and needs COMPROMISE – being able to BOTH let go sometimes VALIDATED FEELINGS – we might agree with what is being said, but we hear each other TRUST – we can lean …
The Dance of The Avoidant and The Securely Attached
Something I haven’t seen talked about anywhere else is the phenomenon where an avoidant will create an anxious attachment out of a normally securely attached person. Can this happen? Yes! I know because I have had this experience myself. I …
The Dance of The Anxious and The Securely Attached
The honeymoon phase for the anxiously attached is wonderful, as they finally find someone to partner with. Deep down they feel that the world is not a safe place, so it is safer with someone than alone. The honeymoon phase …
The Dance of The Disorganised and the Securely Attached
So, it starts off great. It is AMAZING to finally be in a relationship with someone who appreciates and respects you. He is attentive, he calls and texts regularly and doesn’t leave you guessing. He does and says things that …
Creating a Secure Attachment Style – Corrective Experience (Part 8)
Is it SAFE to securely attach to my partner? This is the first question to consider when you have one of the three insecure attachment styles. Yesterday we talked about the corrective experience with a trained therapist. This is a …
Creating a Secure Attachment Style – Corrective Experience (Part 7)
Repair – this is what we are engaged in when we are working with any of the three styles of insecure attachment. The mother (or primary caregiver) has been unresponsive to the child’s needs, or even abusive. The child has …
Healing The Mother Wound
Many of us spend years in confusion, anger and grief about the mother relationship, trying to make sense of what happened. The relationship with the mother, who is usually the primary caretaker, is the first imprint we receive about how …
Creating a Secure Attachment Style – The Body (Part 6)
Warning – this is a bit controversial. When we have one of the three insecure attachment styles, we have what I like to think of as a ‘cellular memory’ of the energy of the relationship with the primary care giver …
Questioning Our Thinking (The Mind Work)
I like to think of the mind as a piece of play dough that can be moulded over time. It is so easy to think “I can’t change what my mind says!” Know that you CAN because I have done …
Creating a Secure Attachment Style – Part 4
Usually we are subconsciously looking to the world to affirm our deepest beliefs about ourselves. This happens in a part of our brain called the reticular activating system. This part of the brain will notice things that align with our …