Discovering who we are and what our values are takes time and is an ever-evolving phenomenon. It is even harder in a culture where there are strong ideas about what we ‘should’ value, what we ‘should’ aspire to, even what …
Don’t Make Excuses for Your Needs
You may have grown up in an environment where it was not okay to have needs. It may be that your needs were denied and so you shut them down. As an adult you may judge yourself as weak for …
Instead of Threatening and Demanding, Answer These Questions
WHAT HAPPENED? Make this factual – e.g. He spoke to his ex-girlfriend last week. WHAT FEELINGS DO I HAVE ABOUT THIS? – This is not thoughts, but feelings (look up a feelings list if you want to get a clear …
Communicating Your Needs
But how do I ask for what I need? The most important part is KNOWING what you need. Often, we are not really clear what our needs are, they get mixed up in the jumble of what we DON’T want. …
Protest Behaviours
It is easy to hide behind unhealthy behaviours (like ignoring calls, making your partner jealous, game playing and temper tantrums). But is it ‘easier’ in the long run? To be honest in any relationship there has to be an element …
Healing Old Communication Styles
Healing old communication styles where we play games, push our partner away and DON’T get what we want. Here are some situations, some old communication styles, that don’t work, and some new ways to communicate to help get your needs …
Communicating Needs
Once we know what we need, how do we communicate? We have learned that our needs are not important and, in some cases, that the needs of the parent are bigger and more important than our needs. So, once we …
Valid Needs
Knowing our needs can be difficult when we have been taught that our needs are not important or should be placed after everyone else’s needs. This is a type of trauma. We are being separated from our most basic instinct, …
Identifying Your Needs If You Are Avoidantly Attached
Have you ever marvelled at how some people seem to know exactly what they need in any given moment? Do you often feel numb and have no idea? This is one of the traits of the avoidantly attached. The avoidantly …
Indicators I Am Healing in My Relationships
I am less triggered and when I am triggered, I work through it I find it easier to put myself in the other persons shoes and be compassionate without abandoning myself I have clearer, healthier boundaries My self-worth is no …