Creating a Secure Attachment Style – The Body (Part 6)

Warning – this is a bit controversial.

When we have one of the three insecure attachment styles, we have what I like to think of as a ‘cellular memory’ of the energy of the relationship with the primary care giver (usually the mother). ‘Cellular memory’ is more often described in scientific terms through research and studies on the nervous system and the brain. I like to include ALL cells when I talk about it because I believe research will one day prove that all cells in the body are affected by what happens to us, not just the nerve cells.

Creating a secure attachment style involves reconnecting with the body. With all of the insecure styles their needs have been ignored, they have learned what their body needs is not important, so they have shut it down to a greater or lesser extent.

For me the body work starts when we are NOT triggered. It is doing the practices in the tiles in a calm state, so when your nervous system IS aroused it will be easier for you to regulate in a moment of conflict, stress or confrontation.

Slowly, new messages will be easier to grasp in these situations. “Maybe I don’t need to pull away, attack or become invisible.” Slowly, you will be able to stay in your body and hear what the other person is saying without the cellular reaction of fight, flight or freeze.

Perhaps making just one of these practices something you do every day.

A Buddhist monk I met once used the analogy of boiling water to explain the effects of practice. She said if you are trying to boil water and you turn the heat up high for a minute, and then turn it off for 2 minutes, and then turn it on again strongly for 1 minute, your water will never boil. If you turn it on, just a little and leave it on, eventually it will boil. It is the same with your practice. A little every day is better than an hour a day and then nothing for a month.

What ways have you found helpful to connect with your body? I’d love to hear.