A good friend of mine used to joke that he could always test how much work he had done on himself the preceding year according to how much he got triggered during the holiday season. It’s true, you can spend …
Regression into Childhood States
Our core childhood needs are: Attachment Freedom to be yourself, and to have your emotions and needs validated Appropriate limits so you learn self-control Independence, competence and self-identity Play When triggered by one of these needs not being met, you …
Why You Might Not be Getting the Support You Need
Can THIS person give me the support I need right now? If the answer is yes, great. If the answer is no, know that there can be many reasons why they cannot offer that support. Know that you deserve to …
Dark Night of the Soul
Fifteen years ago today, I married my best friend. It was, hands down, the hardest thing I have ever done. We came from different socioeconomic backgrounds, different cultures, different countries, but hardest of all, we came from different religions. We …
Being In The Darkness With A Therapist
Sometimes, we don’t get what we need from our friends and family. This doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t care about or love us. It might mean: they are triggered by you they are triggered by what is happening to you …
How do I Protect Myself as a Therapist
Do we need protecting from people? Sometimes, I think the answer is definitely yes, and sometimes not. Do I need to protect myself as a therapist? I like to think about this in terms of protective factors. I have been …
As a Therapist I Often Experience
Many people wonder why on earth I chose to be a therapist. “Why would you want to sit all day and listen to people’s pain and suffering, life is hard enough as it is!” The funny thing is, listening to …
What You Need to Know About Needs and Relationships
Attempting to get all our needs met through one person is often a subconscious pattern. We all have the need to be loved, accepted, for play, for trust and connection. Some of these needs can only be met interpersonally, in …
What are Core Childhood Needs?
When core needs go unmet, unhealthy coping mechanisms result. This is natural, because a child needs to keep themselves safe and over time, learns how to get their needs met, however they can. For many people, having needs at all …
Psychotherapy Helps you Get to the Root of your Pain
There is so much that our parents didn’t know about life and were simply unable to teach us. Therapy provides a space to learn tools to help with the mini trauma’s life throws at us. When we have experienced trauma …