Ever notice how you keep having the same argument with your partner?
Different situation, same theme—on repeat.
Let’s take a classic example: money.
Maybe you’re the saver and your partner’s the spender. When they make a big purchase, you feel frustrated—maybe even judged or dismissed. You might interpret it as them being frivolous, irresponsible, or not truly committed.
But underneath that financial friction is often something deeper: a clash of values.
You might value saving for family holidays—shared experiences and long-term security. They might see luxury purchases, like a new car, as a well-earned reward and a symbol of success. Neither is wrong—they’re just different stories about what matters.
The real opportunity lies in understanding the meaning behind the actions.
Try asking:
- “I’m curious—what does buying that mean to you?”
- “Where do you think that meaning came from?”
- “What does saving represent for you?”
- “What holds the most value for you, and why?”
These kinds of questions shift the conversation from conflict to connection. You move from surface-level reactions into deeper understanding.
Imagine this: You ask, “What does the new car mean to you?”
And they say, “It reminds me of when my dad got promoted and bought a car. We used to drive to the movies every weekend. It brought our family closer together.”
Suddenly, it’s not about the money.
It’s about creating connection.
And that’s something you both want.
Have you ever uncovered a deeper story underneath a conflict? I’d love to hear.
Love, Jen
