In some families, one child is subtly (or overtly) assigned the role of the scapegoat — the one who is blamed, criticised, or pathologised more than the others.
This dynamic allows the rest of the family to avoid looking at their own emotional challenges. By projecting the dysfunction onto one child, everyone else gets to feel more “together” or “stable” than they truly are.
The scapegoated child often grows up believing they are the problem. They may carry shame, low self-worth, or a deep sense of being misunderstood — even when they were the most emotionally honest person in the room.
Everyone benefits from this dynamic except the scapegoat.
If this was your role, please know: it was never about you. It was about the family system’s inability to hold emotional complexity without casting blame.
You deserved to be seen, supported, and celebrated for who you truly were. One of the best ways to do this is with a therapist. Healing is possible.
Love,
Jen 🪷
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