If you didn’t grow up with secure attachment, it can feel like chasing something that you don’t have a clear idea of. So, let’s make it real. This is the felt sense of secure attachment. It’s calm. It’s steady. And …
What Secure Attachment Feels Like
In a secure relationship, your nervous system’s resting place is in the ventral vagal state—a branch of the parasympathetic nervous system associated with social engagement, safety, and calmness. The goal isn’t to stay in this state all the time. It’s …
Integrating Traumatic Experiences
When we experience trauma, our thoughts, emotions, and body can feel fragmented—like they’re speaking different languages. We might notice flashbacks, racing thoughts, numbness, dissociation, or a pounding heart. These reactions come from different parts of the brain: Neocortex = thoughtMammalian …
The Top Down Approach to Trauma
When we work with trauma from a top-down perspective, we start with the brain—specifically the neocortex, the part responsible for thinking, meaning-making, and language. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), recommended by the American Psychiatric Association to treat PTSD, helps us reframe …
A Bottom-Up Approach to Trauma
Top-Down vs Bottom-Up Healing When it comes to trauma therapy, the order matters. A top-down approach starts with the thinking brain (neocortex). Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a good example—reframing thoughts to shift behaviour. But here’s the challenge: when you’re …
What is an Attachment Injury
An attachment injury happens when the person you rely on most—your partner, parent, or caregiver—fails to respond in a moment of deep need. These moments leave emotional bruises that say: “I can’t trust you to be there for me.” …
Connection and Trauma
When we’ve experienced trauma, it’s common to want to pull away. To feel shame. To think, “I should be over this by now,” or “What’s wrong with me?” Confusion, anger, and self-judgment often follow—and all of that is completely normal.But …
When You’ve Been Hurt, Think About This
When we’ve been hurt, lashing out can feel justified. It’s a natural response to pain. But if we stay in punishment mode, we risk doing more damage to the relationship. The real challenge for the hurt partner is this: Do …
When to Seek Help for Trauma
Trauma can feel like a crack in your energy system—sometimes it heals naturally, and sometimes it doesn’t. When symptoms persist or worsen after a month, it’s time to seek support. Flashbacks, numbness, anxiety, anger, and self-medicating are all signs your …
One in Three Black American Men Go to Prison in Their Lifetime
Symptoms of Trauma can include: As I look at this list, I think about the shocking statistic that 1 in 3 Black American men will go to prison in their lifetime. I first heard this while watching @13thfilm, a powerful …