Shame is a painful emotion that is created because of a sense of failure to meet a certain standard. Shame says that we are flawed and unworthy of connection. In response to shame, people will isolate themselves or numb their …
Category: Wellness
Understanding Shame
Nathanson (1992) presents a fabulous tool to show us how shame shows up. When we look at the middle axis of withdrawal and avoidance, we see two different behaviours. With withdrawal, there is hiding and disconnection. We know from research …
How Shame is Different to Guilt
Shame sounds like, ‘I reversed into a pole, I am such a loser, I can’t get anything right’ Guilt sounds like, ‘I reversed into a pole, I wasn’t looking properly, that was silly, I’ll start double checking from now on’
Shame & Disconnection
“Shame is a painful emotion that is created because of a sense of failure to meet a certain standard. It sounds like: “I’m a failure, I’m a terrible person, I’m useless”. They are absolute statements about the self that make …
Normalising Despair
“Despair is the price one pays for self-awareness. Look deeply into life, and you'll always find despair.” ― Irvin D. Yalom, When Nietzsche Wept
How To Work With Passive Aggressive People
Let’s not beat around the bush. Dealing with passive-aggressive people can be REALLY tricky. I know because I grew up with some, and I have been one at different times in my life. When someone is being passive-aggressive, they are …
Taking Time Out from Your Family
It can be terrifying when you just think of the responses. You already know the tyranny of attacks coming your way, the talking about you behind your back, the guilt-tripping. Oh, yes, the guilt-tripping! Finding the right words that will …
Taking a Break from a Relationship
Taking a Break from a Relationship It’s okay to take a break from a relationship while you work on it. It is okay to be in therapy, taking the time and space you need to get clear on what is …
Understanding Assertive Communication
We usually end up having the communication patterns we learned as children. If you grew up in an unsafe environment, you might have responded by becoming passive and being quiet to stay safe, or you might have spoken up in …
Assertive Boundaries
Once we know what our boundaries are, we need to be able to communicate them effectively. Boundaries can be loving and firm. Usually, if we have had poor boundaries in the past when we start to put boundaries in place, …