Secure couples know how to repair and come back. They don’t get it right all the time, but they keep working on it and learning about themselves and each other through the process. Be gentle with each other. Love, Jen
Category: Psychotherapy
The Three Steps to Communicating a Need
Communicating your needs is part of secure attachment. If you want to hear more about this 🎧 listen to the full episode to explore what secure attachment looks, feels, and sounds like—and why it matters. YouTube: Spotify: Love, Jen
Aiming for Secure Attachment
If you didn’t grow up with secure attachment, it can feel like chasing something that you don’t have a clear idea of. So, let’s make it real. This is the felt sense of secure attachment. It’s calm. It’s steady. And …
What Secure Attachment Feels Like
In a secure relationship, your nervous system’s resting place is in the ventral vagal state—a branch of the parasympathetic nervous system associated with social engagement, safety, and calmness. The goal isn’t to stay in this state all the time. It’s …
Integrating Traumatic Experiences
When we experience trauma, our thoughts, emotions, and body can feel fragmented—like they’re speaking different languages. We might notice flashbacks, racing thoughts, numbness, dissociation, or a pounding heart. These reactions come from different parts of the brain: Neocortex = thoughtMammalian …
The Top Down Approach to Trauma
When we work with trauma from a top-down perspective, we start with the brain—specifically the neocortex, the part responsible for thinking, meaning-making, and language. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), recommended by the American Psychiatric Association to treat PTSD, helps us reframe …
A Bottom-Up Approach to Trauma
Top-Down vs Bottom-Up Healing When it comes to trauma therapy, the order matters. A top-down approach starts with the thinking brain (neocortex). Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a good example—reframing thoughts to shift behaviour. But here’s the challenge: when you’re …
What is an Attachment Injury
An attachment injury happens when the person you rely on most—your partner, parent, or caregiver—fails to respond in a moment of deep need. These moments leave emotional bruises that say: “I can’t trust you to be there for me.” …
Connection and Trauma
When we’ve experienced trauma, it’s common to want to pull away. To feel shame. To think, “I should be over this by now,” or “What’s wrong with me?” Confusion, anger, and self-judgment often follow—and all of that is completely normal.But …
When You’ve Been Hurt, Think About This
When we’ve been hurt, lashing out can feel justified. It’s a natural response to pain. But if we stay in punishment mode, we risk doing more damage to the relationship. The real challenge for the hurt partner is this: Do …