Therapy can be expensive. But I have always seen it as a vital part of self-care. At different times in my life, I have gone without other things in order to prioritise my mental health, and it has always been …
Category: Psychotherapy
What the Taylor Swift and Blake Lively Texts Teach Us About Friendship and Conflict
As a psychotherapist, I broke down the Taylor Swift–Blake Lively texts for body+soul.com.au, revealing what they got right (vulnerable check-ins!), what could’ve been better (earlier reciprocity), and lessons for us all. Conflict avoidant? Their bold honesty shows that naming the …
When the Avoidant Part Takes Over: It’s Protection, Not Punishment
When the avoidant part takes over, it’s because closeness feels unsafe. This part learned to rely on itself. So it pulls back, shuts down, stays busy — not to punish, but to protect. Pressure doesn’t soften it. Gentleness, curiosity and …
When the Anxious Part Takes Over
When the anxious part takes over, it’s because something feels at risk. This part fears disconnection. So it watches, worries, reaches — not to control, but to protect. Reassurance doesn’t calm it. Presence does. When you stay with this part, …
When You Feel Unsafe, a Part Steps In
When you feel unsafe, a part steps in. Automatically. Instinctively. Intelligently. That part is a strategy your system learned. Listening to this part brings relief. Fighting it creates more tension. In parts work, we don’t ask, “How do I stop …
The Part of You That Rushes Is Trying to Keep You Safe
The part of you that rushes is trying to keep you safe. The part that reacts is not the problem. It learned this strategy a long time ago. No part needs fixing. They need understanding and protection. When your nervous …
You Don’t Need More Insight — You Need More Safety
You don’t need more insight. You need more safety. Awareness without safety changes nothing. The body must feel held before it can let go. Safety comes first. Clarity follows — always. Many people already understand their patterns. They know why …
Breaking the Cycle of Toxic Criticism and Defensiveness
When your partner criticises you, what happens inside? For some people, the body wants to shrink, go quiet, or disappear. For others, there’s an immediate surge of defensiveness or counter-attack. Both responses are protective. They developed for a reason. And …
Why You Don’t Act Your Age When Trauma Gets Triggered
“When trauma gets triggered you don’t act your age, you act the age the wound was created.” — Gabor Maté When a trauma wound is activated, your system does not respond from your present-day self. It responds from the age …
Memory Reconsolidation: Why Real Healing Is About Rewriting, Not Just Moving On
Most people think healing is about “moving on.” But the real transformation happens when the brain updates the emotional meaning of an old memory. This is memory reconsolidation. Memory reconsolidation is the process where an old emotional learning becomes activated, …