When others find you aggressive, it might be because you have gone into a ‘fight’ trauma response. Remember that all of the trauma responses are the body’s natural response to danger or stress. It causes a flood of hormones so you can act quickly and save yourself.
When this reaction is turned up too loud, it can be frightening for the person having the reaction and everyone around them. They could be ‘set off’ by something seemingly small. Like all trauma responses, the trigger is something from the past being re-experienced in the present moment.
It is common to feel shame after the ‘fight’ response and not even remember what was said in the moment. They may then act like it was ‘not a big deal’ and expect everyone to continue as nothing has happened. This dance can quickly become abusive if it is not addressed. If you feel this is happening in your relationship, please get help. You both deserve to be supported.
I will follow up with some healing ideas to work with the ‘fight’ response.
Big hugs, Jen