I can’t describe the magic that happens in couple work when someone reveals something so tender and vulnerable and is met with heart-opening compassion and understanding. Even when the thing being shared doesn’t make sense or is illogical, both people …
Tag: understanding
Understanding your Avoidantly Attached Partner
This is something I have learned from the inside, having been in a relationship with someone avoidant for over 22 years (married for 18). Attachment and intimacy are complex. We receive many imprints about relationships from our childhood. Often, the …
Why Warriors Lie Down and Die
This book, Why Warriors Lie Down and Die, has changed my life. It was recommended to me by someone who grew up in the Northern Territory with Aboriginal people. It answers many of the questions people have when they say …
Attunement in Relationships
When we are in long-distance relationships, the need to attune to one another is even greater. Dr Gottman has a fabulous acronym to remember in all relationships. Often, we have awareness, the first step, but we can struggle with the …
Considering the Perspective of Others
When we take on the perspective of someone else, a whole network of brain regions becomes activated. The dorsomedial and dorsolateral prefrontal cortices, the temporoparietal junction and the precuneus. These areas are responsible for memory, attention, social cognition, integration and …
The Trauma-Informed Perspective
Being ‘trauma informed’ is essentially the skill of pausing before making a judgement and thinking why this behaviour might be happening, given someone’s personal history. Roughly 8% of people will have PTSD in their lifetime, so the likelihood of working …
4 Ways That Fear Blocks Connection
Part of what makes therapy so remarkable is that we are heard in a non-judgemental, curious way. There is no criticism, no loaded questions, none of the baggage that is present in an intimate relationship. The power of …
How to Support a Cycle Breaker
These are all from YOU—every one of them. When I asked in my stories what you would like to have heard instead of your friends and family’s shaming, the response was overwhelming. When I added the responses to stories a …
How to Speak to Someone with Anxiety
???? When faced with someone experiencing high anxiety, rather than giving advice, which can feel invalidating, a better approach is to seek to understand how it is for the person. Let them know you are with them, and they are …
The Potential Benefits of Discussing Family Issues Are
“In your dreams!” I hear many of you thinking as you read this tile, and for many of you that is true. Having family discussions about important issues can be a disaster for everyone involved depending on the emotional maturity …