We all know that uncomfortable few minutes after a heated discussion. The argument’s energy is hanging in the air, and you are both processing what was said. If your trauma response has been activated, you might be calming your nervous …
Tag: Relationships
69% of Relationship Problems are Unsolvable
According to the Gottman’s (excellent relationship researchers), 69% of relationship conflict is unsolvable. These are perpetual problems that stem from fundamental differences in beliefs or personality. They will be something that you return to as a couple repeatedly and often …
Why Co-Regulation is Important
Co-regulation is where one nervous system calms another. It happens when you have a caregiver who is attuned to you as a child. They can use their body, the tone and pitch of their voice, and their breath to anchor …
Relationship Rituals to Help with Connection
Relationship rituals help with co-regulation. When you are in an intimate relationship with someone, your nervous systems will attune with one another, either creating co-regulation or dysregulation. When connection is strong in the relationship, if one person is dysregulated, the …
Ways to Build Trust in Your Relationship
Trust is the foundation of any relationship. It is difficult to be truly vulnerable with someone you don’t trust. Trust isn’t built overnight; it takes time. In a relationship, many small moments added together become the building blocks of trust. …
Your Brain Can Sabotage Your Relationship Without You Knowing.
Your Brain Can Sabotage Your Relationships Have you ever felt that you are in negative overdrive? Every little thing your partner does is driving you crazy, and you only seem to focus on what they are doing wrong. The reticular …
Calming Phrases To Use During Conflict
Every relationship, at some point, is going to have conflict. How well we deal with the dispute and make repairs can significantly influence the relationship and its longevity.When we are in conflict it is only natural that we will make …
3 Tips to Reduce Your Defensiveness
The four communication styles that have a negative impact on your relationships: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Everyone will have a favoured method. Mine is defensiveness. Defensiveness is a response to criticism and tends to increase conflict because the other …
One Tip That Will Change the Way You Argue
There is a difference being attacking someone’s CHARACTER and attacking their BEHAVIOUR. When we are critical of someone’s character it is much more personal attack. When we attack a behaviour, there is more of a sense that the behaviour can …
How to Shift a Criticism into a Complaint for More Effective Communication
If you grew up with a lot of criticism around you, as an adult it is likely that you have a loud critical voice in your head. Usually that critical voice is directed inwards, but in intimate relationships, many people …