One of the biggest mistakes I see people make in healing is trying to get rid of the parts of themselves they don’t like. The anxious part, the angry part, the avoidant part, the people-pleaser, the perfectionist. I get it …
Tag: partswork
You Don’t Have to Remember What Happened to Heal
One of the biggest myths about healing is that you have to remember what happened. You don’t. Some of our deepest wounds were formed before we had language. Before we could tell a story or make sense of our experiences. …
The Angry Teenager: One of the Most Misunderstood Parts in Therapy
One of the most common parts I meet in therapy is the angry teenager. And often, people can’t stand that part and feel ashamed of it. They tell me: “I don’t like this part.”“It’s mean.”“It’s reactive.”“It’s not who I want …
Why Understanding Your Patterns Isn’t Always Enough to Change Them
You can understand your patterns… and still repeat them in relationships. Many people come to therapy already understanding their patterns intellectually. They know why they people please. Why they over-function. Why they fear abandonment. Why they shut down or withdraw. …
The Part of You That Won’t Let Go Is Trying to Protect You
The part of you that won’t let go… is trying to protect you. It replays the past so you don’t get hurt like that again. It stays alert so you don’t feel caught off guard. It doesn’t need to be …
When the Avoidant Part Takes Over: It’s Protection, Not Punishment
When the avoidant part takes over, it’s because closeness feels unsafe. This part learned to rely on itself. So it pulls back, shuts down, stays busy — not to punish, but to protect. Pressure doesn’t soften it. Gentleness, curiosity and …
When the Anxious Part Takes Over
When the anxious part takes over, it’s because something feels at risk. This part fears disconnection. So it watches, worries, reaches — not to control, but to protect. Reassurance doesn’t calm it. Presence does. When you stay with this part, …
When You Feel Unsafe, a Part Steps In
When you feel unsafe, a part steps in. Automatically. Instinctively. Intelligently. That part is a strategy your system learned. Listening to this part brings relief. Fighting it creates more tension. In parts work, we don’t ask, “How do I stop …
The Part of You That Rushes Is Trying to Keep You Safe
The part of you that rushes is trying to keep you safe. The part that reacts is not the problem. It learned this strategy a long time ago. No part needs fixing. They need understanding and protection. When your nervous …
Memory Reconsolidation: Why Real Healing Is About Rewriting, Not Just Moving On
Most people think healing is about “moving on.” But the real transformation happens when the brain updates the emotional meaning of an old memory. This is memory reconsolidation. Memory reconsolidation is the process where an old emotional learning becomes activated, …