This video is in response to a lot of questions I get about recognising securely attached people. First, it IS challenging to recognise secure people when you have grown up in chaos. There is no template for what secure and …
Tag: healthy relationship
Attachment Wounds CAN Come From Adult Relationships
Attachment wounds don’t only come from your childhood, they can also be formed in adulthood. Remember that attachment wounds are relational wounds. This means that they happened in a relationship with another person. When we are hurt deeply enough for …
Being Overly Sensitive to Your Partner’s Moods.
If you grew up in an emotionally unstable environment, you would have learned to watch for any little thing that might set them off. You learn to do things perfectly to avoid being shouted at or punished. You learn to …
What is Attachment Anxiety?
Attachment anxiety is when we learn as children that we can’t depend on the adults around us, so we adapt our behaviour to suit the situation we are experiencing in that relationship to stay alive, fed and loved. One adaptation …
Communicating Your Needs
How do I ask for what I need? The most important part is KNOWING what you need. Often, we are not really clear about what our needs are. They get mixed up in the jumble of what we DON’T want. …
Signs I Am Healing In My Relationships
Ram Dass says that relationships are one of the most challenging forms of yoga. When he says this, he is talking about the way you meet in an intimate relationship. You will see all of the parts of self when …
What Does A Secure, Healthy Relationship Look Like?
I have been asked a lot recently, what does a healthy relationship look like? What are the people who have secure relationships doing? They have learnt, over time, how to balance the ‘we’ and the ‘me’, to repair the inevitable …
How Do I Know If I Am ‘Showing Up?’
When we don’t ‘show up’ in our most intimate relationships, we limit the depth of connection that can be achieved. I think most of us want to ‘show up’, but we are held back. We are held back by: fear …
Can Conflict Become A Way For a Couple To Connect?
Conflict provides an opportunity for a deeper connection. Most of us are not taught this. We are taught that conflict is scary and to be avoided. We might have learnt from our family of origin that conflict results in physical …
How to Give up Being Right and Accept Influence
Research in relationships shows that men find it more difficult than women to accept influence from their partners (see J. Gottman’s research). But, let’s face it, we can all love to win, and we are living in a culture that …