Writing this book was a birthing journey.
I thought writing a book would be relatively easy. I love research. I love healing, and I love the subject matter.
But writing it was a labour of love. There were hours and hours of research. Sitting in my office/library surrounded by books, discussing with different people their experience of anxious attachment and with different therapists what they found to be effective in treatment.
I still remember reading through heavy research material, mostly written by psychology academics, and finding research that supported some of the techniques that I found worked in the therapy room and that I knew had worked with my psyche/system. That was exciting.
And the next question was, what to leave out? I just wanted to add everything, but I had a word limit. The benefit of this was having to distill it into the most efficacious practices. Just the practices and information that I knew would have the biggest impact.
Whenever I speak to someone who has ‘earned secure attachment’ and ask how they did it, they say, “It was a combination of things”. That was my experience, too. It wasn’t just one thing. You can’t change your attachment style and just focus on one area of life to effect change. The healing journey into more secure relationships is through the body, mind, spirit and relationship. It is a journey.
It takes two years to form a secure attachment with another person. If you are beginning that journey, give yourself the time and space you need to heal and form that INNER secure attachment as you form the OUTER secure attachment with your person.
