When I began my healing journey, I was experiencing deep inner conflict. I had immigrated to a new country and had few support people in my new home. Most of my friends and family were literally on the other side …
Healing as a Scapegoat
Healing is best done with a therapist because a therapist will be able to help you unpack what happened at home and gently start to step into a new perspective. You are likely to have a lot of questions about …
Experiences of a Scapegoat
A friend of mine was labelled the scapegoat in her family. She was repeatedly told that she was too volatile and ‘crazy.’ She was a scapegoat for everything, including things that had absolutely nothing to do with her. It took …
Black Sheep: The Scapegoat
With the presence of a designated scapegoat, there may be a lot of hidden dysfunction. It can be much easier to hide an abusive marriage with the presence of a child who has problems and is constantly misbehaving, etc. No …
Black Sheep of The Family
If you were labeled the black sheep in your family, know this is only one potential dynamic that might have been playing out in your family. Every family is unique, with unique dynamics. Being the black sheep can be a …
Identifying Triangulation
Have you ever found yourself in a toxic triad? I know I have. Some triangles are healthy and helpful, for example, when work colleagues struggling with a piece of work approach their boss for some help, or when two quarreling …
The Effects of Drawing Children into Adult Conflicts
One of the most common examples of this is during a divorce. Both parents are vying for the emotional support of the children. They are consciously manipulating the children to align with them. This might take the form of comments …
Statements of Self-Validation
HERE IS A QUICK ‘GO TO’ TILE FOR VALIDATING STATEMENTS. Keep these on your screen saver, print them, and put them next to your bed, where you brush your teeth. While we are changing our inner landscape, it takes a …
Tips for Self-Validation
Self-validation CAN be learnt. It is so important because validating ourselves re-connects us with our inner knowing and intuition. Self-validation is particularly important when growing up in an environment with mixed messages, where the adults around us have denied our …
Self-Validation
As a child, we look to our parents for validation about ourselves and the world around us. When we don’t receive that validation, it can be incredibly detrimental to our mental health as adults. It might sound like, “I heard …