When we experience shame, our gut reaction is usually to run as fast as we can in the other direction. In the moment, this might be the safest thing to do, but after the moment has passed it can be …
Where Does Shame Hide?
It is easy to read posts about shame and think, “Oh, I don’t feel any shame. That’s not in my life”. If that is the case, you are an incredibly rare individual. For most people, shame is part of life. …
The Antidote to Shame
Shame is a painful emotion that is created because of a sense of failure to meet a certain standard. Shame says that we are flawed and unworthy of connection. In response to shame, people will isolate themselves or numb their …
Understanding Shame
Nathanson (1992) presents a fabulous tool to show us how shame shows up. When we look at the middle axis of withdrawal and avoidance, we see two different behaviours. With withdrawal, there is hiding and disconnection. We know from research …
How Shame is Different to Guilt
Shame sounds like, ‘I reversed into a pole, I am such a loser, I can’t get anything right’ Guilt sounds like, ‘I reversed into a pole, I wasn’t looking properly, that was silly, I’ll start double checking from now on’
Shame & Disconnection
“Shame is a painful emotion that is created because of a sense of failure to meet a certain standard. It sounds like: “I’m a failure, I’m a terrible person, I’m useless”. They are absolute statements about the self that make …
Words Used to Shame and Prevent Assertiveness:
A sure way to stop people from being assertive is to shame them. As Brene Brown talks about so wonderfully in her book ‘Daring Greatly’, shame is pervasive in our culture. It limits innovation, authentic self-expression and stops us from …
Examples of Assertive Communication
Sometimes finding the right words can be tricky. I hope these slides will give you a feel for what an assertive conversation might sound like. A wonderful resource in the area of communication is Marshall Rosenberg’s ‘Non-Violent Communication’. I bought …
Being Assertive
Assertiveness is a skill that CAN be learnt. If you grew up in a home where assertiveness was not demonstrated, it might be more difficult to understand and have an intuitive feel for it, and that is normal. If you …
Making Your way From Passive to Assertive
Being assertive is NOT being bossy or selfish. Being assertive is knowing what you need for self-care and being able to create effective boundaries. It is having the confidence to speak up in the face of injustice. The world needs …