Me, to my therapist:“But they weren’t evil. They were just broken. They had their own trauma.” My therapist:“And that’s valid. But let me ask you something… did their trauma give them the right to create new trauma inside you?” And …
When You Realise You’re Not Reacting to Your Partner — You’re Reacting to Your Childhood
There is a moment in therapy that changes everything. It is the moment you realise that the reaction you are having right now is not really about your partner. It feels like it is. It looks like it is. But …
We Aren’t Meant to Move Through Everything Alone
There’s a special kind of fear that hits when you get sick or hurt while living alone. That sudden awareness that no one else is here if I need help. Even if you’re usually strong and capable, that moment can …
The Gift of Slowing Down: Reflections from Vanuatu
Today we found these beautiful yellowtail clownfish living in a large sea anemone. They swam up to check us out and came right up to the underwater camera. Their anemone was far from shore, so I’m guessing they haven’t seen …
When Valentine’s Day Feels Complicated: Growing Up Without Healthy Love
If you didn’t grow up seeing healthy love… Valentine’s Day can feel complicated. You might long for closeness and fear it at the same time. You might accept crumbs because chaos feels familiar. But you are allowed to learn a …
Healing Your Mind Doesn’t Mean Thinking Positive Thoughts
Healing your mind doesn’t mean thinking “positive thoughts.” It means understanding why certain thoughts appear in the first place. It means noticing which ones come from fear, which come from habit, and which come from parts of you that learned …
Can I Widen My Window of Tolerance?
The simple answer is yes. With time and focus, you can widen your Window of Tolerance. Why does this matter? Because the wider your window, the more resilient you become. Your prefrontal cortex — the part of the brain that …
Simple Grounding Techniques to Help You Come Back Into Your Body During Hypoarousal
When we are in hypoarousal, our system begins to shut down. We might feel numb, disconnected, or start to dissociate. One of the best ways to support yourself in this state is to gently stimulate your senses and bring awareness …
Signs of Hypoarousal: Understanding Your Body’s Shutdown Response
Hypoarousal Hypoarousal is another defence mechanism. It can feel like exhaustion, numbness, disconnection from everything and everyone, or like you’re moving through a dream. You may want to sleep a lot, eat very little, and feel shut down or dissociated. …