When we build up resentments in a relationship it is common that they will come pouring out in the midst of an argument. You start with a complaint about how they leave their clothes on the floor, they become defensive, …
Tag: communication
Rituals for Building Connection
When you are an early bird in a relationship with a night owl, you potentially miss out on many opportunities for connection. You might find less time to talk, less intimacy, less touch, and at worst, you are living like …
Relationship Rituals to Help with Connection
Relationship rituals help with co-regulation. When you are in an intimate relationship with someone, your nervous systems will attune with one another, either creating co-regulation or dysregulation. When the connection is strong in the relationship, if one person is dysregulated, …
Growing Trust in Your Relationships
Trust is the foundation of any relationship. It is difficult to be truly vulnerable with someone you don’t trust. Trust isn’t built overnight; it takes time. In a relationship, many small moments added together become the building blocks of trust. …
Turning Criticism into a Complaint
If you grew up with a lot of criticism around you, you likely have a loud, critical voice in your head as an adult. Usually, that critical voice is directed inwards, but in intimate relationships, many people find that the …
Tips to Become Less Defensive
The four communication styles that have a negative impact on your relationships: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Everyone will have a favoured method. Mine is defensiveness. Defensiveness is a response to criticism and tends to increase conflict because the other …
Communicating with Someone Who is Highly Anxious
When faced with someone experiencing high anxiety, rather than giving advice, which can feel invalidating, a better approach is to seek to understand how it is for the person. Let them know you are with them, and they are not …
Break the Cycle of Toxic Criticism and Defensiveness
When someone comes at you with criticism, the natural response is to defend. Criticism is a form of attack, so it is natural to protect instinctively unless you know how criticism and defensiveness play out in a relationship. Those of …
Questions to Ask During the ‘Difference’ Relationship Phase
This is the phase where we step back from the intense merging of the honeymoon phase, we take off the rose-tinted glasses and ask ourselves if we can live with the reality of the other person. It is easy to …
Important Questions for the Honeymoon Phase
The honeymoon stage usually lasts up to two years but will vary for every relationship. It is the time when we fall in love, Hollywood style. You are both wearing your rose-tinted glasses, you spend a lot of time together, …