You’re probably reading this because you are frustrated at yourself for choosing another unavailable partner. Maybe he is married, or he lives in another state or country. Perhaps he is dating you, but he seems to be married to his …
Tag: avoidant
Why Avoidantly Attached People Withdraw
Ever notice how some people just shut down during conflicts? When Avoidantly Attached People feel threatened, they WITHDRAW to feel SAFE. Your nervous system tends to rest more in hyperarousal; it’s like your body’s way of shutting down when overwhelmed. …
Attachment Styles and Relational Distance
Attachment styles exist on a spectrum. You can be more or less anxious or more or less avoidant in your attachment style. About 80% of distressed couples who go to couple therapy are in the anxious/avoidant dynamic. Have you ever …
The Anxious-Avoidant Dynamic – Can it work?
This is one of the main dynamics that brings couples into therapy. It is the Anxious-Avoidant Cycle. So, what exactly is the Anxious-Avoidant Cycle, how does it work, and how do we perpetuate it? We also tackle the big question: …
Avoidant Experiences
What is Avoidant Attachment? Avoidant attachment refers to a tendency to avoid emotional closeness and dependency on others. Those with this attachment style may have developed self-reliance as a defence mechanism, often suppressing their need for connection. This can make …
Needs and the Avoidantly Attached
You may take pride in lacking needs, which has served as a protective mechanism in the past. You are likely to have developed a strong sense of self-reliance resulting in independence and excellent capabilities. However, does your fear of depending …
Reconnecting with your Feelings for the Avoidantly Attached
When you have the avoidant adaptation, you likely grew up in an environment where it was not okay to have needs or your needs were denied, so you shut them down. As an adult, you may judge yourself as weak …
Reconnecting with your Needs for the Avoidantly Attached
For the avoidant adaptation, reconnecting with your needs, body, and emotions is part of your healing journey. There are many ways to begin to reconnect to the body. Two of the most potent ways I use with my clients are …
The Dance of the Anxious and Avoidant in Conflict
This is the pursuer/withdrawer dynamic identified by Dr Sue Johnson in her brilliant book “Hold Me Tight”. It is the dance of the anxious (pursuer) and the avoidant (withdrawer). I know this dance well because it is one my husband …
Getting in Touch with Your Needs If You Are Avoidantly Attached
Have you ever marvelled at how some people seem to know exactly what they need at any given moment? Do you often feel numb and have no idea? This is one of the traits of the avoidantly attached. The avoidantly …