Up until the age of two, our brain is growing at a furious rate. The neurons are connecting, and the brain is being wired, literally. In the relationship with our primary caregiver (usually the mother), we are being wired for …
Tag: attachment
An Antidote To Consumerism
There are some aspects of Buddhism that are incredibly close to my heart. One of them helps with the human condition of suffering. It’s called “letting go” and is said to bring happiness. You might like to try this little …
What Does A Secure, Healthy Relationship Look Like?
I have been asked a lot recently, what does a healthy relationship look like? What are the people who have secure relationships doing? They have learnt, over time, how to balance the ‘we’ and the ‘me’, to repair the inevitable …
The Dance Of The Disorganised And The Securely Attached
So, it starts great. It is AMAZING for the disorganised person to finally be in a relationship with someone who appreciates and respects you. Your new partner is attentive, calls and texts regularly and doesn’t leave you guessing. They do …
The Dance of The Avoidant and The Securely Attached
Something I haven’t seen talked about anywhere else is the phenomenon where an avoidant will create an anxious attachment out of a normally securely attached person. Can this happen? Yes! I know because I have had this experience myself. I …
The Dance Of The Anxious And The Securely Attached
The honeymoon phase for the anxiously attached is wonderful, as they finally find someone to partner with. Deep down they feel that the world is not a safe place, so it is safer with someone than alone. The honeymoon phase …
The Dance Of The Avoidant & The Anxiously Attached
If you think of every adult as having a child-like part and an adult-like part, certain combinations are very attractive. For example, an adult with a well-developed adult part, let’s say he’s a banker. Quite serious, not much fun. He …
How To Be With A Partner Who Has Disorganised Attachment
Children are wired for survival. To survive, they will adapt to their environment to get their needs for food, love, and security met. In children who show disorganised attachment, the primary caregiver has been erratic, unpredictable and sometimes abusive and …
Tools for Those with a Disorganised Attachment Style
This attachment style is a combination of the previous two (avoidant and ambivalent/anxious). Disorganised children give inconsistent responses in the presence of their primary caregiver due to inconsistent behaviour from the parent. Sometimes the parent is a safe and supportive …