The fear of being abandoned can feel worse than the fear of death. Just the thought of that person leaving you might make you feel like you will throw up, that you will never want to engage with the world …
Tag: attachment theory
What is Attachment Anxiety?
Attachment anxiety is when we learn as children that we can’t depend on the adults around us, so we adapt our behaviour to suit the situation we are experiencing in that relationship to stay alive, fed and loved. One adaptation …
Childhood Attachment Wounding
When we have childhood attachment wounding we will unconsciously recreate that attachment pattern in our adult relationships. This means we are recreating our childhood trauma in our adult life and that’s why it’s so painful. You might find yourself feeling …
Why We Sabotage Relationships
Knowing your attachment style might give you a lot of insight into why you sabotage relationships. In this video, I explain why you might sabotage your relationship and how you might do it as well as the push / pull …
Some Valid Needs
Knowing our needs can be difficult when we have been taught that our needs are not important or should be placed after everyone else’s needs. This is a type of trauma. We are being separated from our most basic instinct, …
Identifying Your Needs If You Are Avoidantly Attached
Have you ever marvelled at how some people seem to know exactly what they need at any given moment? Do you often feel numb and have no idea? This is one of the traits of the avoidantly attached. The avoidantly …
What Does A Secure, Healthy Relationship Look Like?
I have been asked a lot recently, what does a healthy relationship look like? What are the people who have secure relationships doing? They have learnt, over time, how to balance the ‘we’ and the ‘me’, to repair the inevitable …
The Dance Of The Disorganised And The Securely Attached
So, it starts great. It is AMAZING for the disorganised person to finally be in a relationship with someone who appreciates and respects you. Your new partner is attentive, calls and texts regularly and doesn’t leave you guessing. They do …
The Dance of The Avoidant and The Securely Attached
Something I haven’t seen talked about anywhere else is the phenomenon where an avoidant will create an anxious attachment out of a normally securely attached person. Can this happen? Yes! I know because I have had this experience myself. I …
The Dance Of The Anxious And The Securely Attached
The honeymoon phase for the anxiously attached is wonderful, as they finally find someone to partner with. Deep down they feel that the world is not a safe place, so it is safer with someone than alone. The honeymoon phase …