5 Ways to Increase Intimacy with your Avoidantly Attached Partner

If you resonate with this attachment style, feel free to send a link to this post to your partner.

The key with the avoidantly attached is to remember that when they pull back, they are often just as upset as you. It is their coping mechanism that pulls them into solitude to self-soothe. This is how they did it as a child, so it feels safe. 

The challenge for you as a couple is to keep exploring the pulling back and how it is for them and how it affects you, and what small changes you can both make in your thinking and your behaviour to start to change the relational patterns.

A small change might be:

(Avoidant) When we have a conflict, I’m not going to leave the room. I’m going to sit quietly on the sofa, but I’d still like to be alone.

(Partner) When we have conflict, and you want to be alone, I will remind myself that you are also upset but that you soothe through time alone. I will take time to settle myself through yoga or breathing exercises while you take space.