My dad was a welder. He worked until he retired at 65. He did manual labour. He worked hard. To him, being a successful adult meant working hard, being frugal and staying safe. He didn’t know anyone who had gone …
What is a Cycle Breaker?
We all have repeating patterns or ‘cycles’ in our family of origin. It might be repeating patterns of failed marriages, drug and alcohol problems, or family conflict. You become a cycle breaker when you first see the cycle and …
The Cycle Breaker’s Circle
This is the cycle we all go through on any healing journey. We need to discover where we are stuck and what we inherited from our parents and childhood. Then, we need to attend to and heal those wounded parts, …
Conflict and Connection
Conflict provides an opportunity for a deeper connection. Most of us are not taught this. We are taught that conflict is scary and to be avoided. We might have learnt from our family of origin that conflict results in physical …
Feeling The Same Pain Again
Running from the pain won’t stop the pattern from repeating itself. Your subconscious is trying desperately to heal; it presents you with situation after situation until you pause and get curious. Not in a self-punishing way but in a compassionate, …
You Don’t Have To Feel Broken To See A Therapist
One of the most potent times to visit a therapist is when I am aware of repeating cycles in my life. My therapist helps me clarify what impulses me to behave in certain ways and where those impulses have come …
Give Up Being Right
Research in relationships shows that men find it more difficult than women to accept influence from their partners (see J. Gottman’s research). But, let’s face it, we can all love to win, and we are living in a culture that …
Having To Be Right
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who has to be right all the time? It can be so frustrating. Even when there is evidence that they are wrong, they won’t openly say, “oh, I was wrong”, they …
Celebrating: The Importance of Birthdays for My Inner Child
Each time I celebrate a birthday, it’s like I’m telling my little girl inside how special she is. She feels me planning for my birthday, thinking about what I would like, what will make the day feels special to her. …
How to Reconnect After An Argument
We all know those uncomfortable few minutes after a heated discussion. The argument's energy is hanging in the air, and you are both processing what was said. If your trauma response has been activated, you might be calming your nervous …