When in conflict, it’s common for people with an avoidant adaptation to want to get away, to shut down and feel confused. This is often super frustrating for the other person who doesn’t understand what’s happening.
Inside, the avoidant partner is often thinking:
- I can never get it right.
- I don’t know what I feel.
- I feel confused.
- I just want to get out of here.
- There’s no point.
- Anything I say will make it worse.
- There’s nothing I can do. I just have to wait for them to calm down.
Know that you can work with this attachment style in therapy. It is one of my favourite styles to explore together.