Shame sounds like, ‘I reversed into a pole, I am such a loser, I can’t get anything right’ Guilt sounds like, ‘I reversed into a pole, I wasn’t looking properly, that was silly, I’ll start double checking from now on’
Tag: shame
Shame & Disconnection
“Shame is a painful emotion that is created because of a sense of failure to meet a certain standard. It sounds like: “I’m a failure, I’m a terrible person, I’m useless”. They are absolute statements about the self that make …
Words Used to Shame and Prevent Assertiveness:
A sure way to stop people from being assertive is to shame them. As Brene Brown talks about so wonderfully in her book ‘Daring Greatly’, shame is pervasive in our culture. It limits innovation, authentic self-expression and stops us from …
How SHAME Can Stop People Apologising:
Everyone has a different relationship with shame, depending mainly on how they were raised. Shame says, “I’m a terrible person”, and guilt says, “I did a terrible thing.” When you have DONE something wrong, you can repair it. When you …
Breaking the Shame Cycle
Shame is often transmitted through family lines. Parents use shame-based parenting, the children grow up with shame and use shame-based parenting, and the pattern is repeated. Shame is something that comes up in therapy regularly. One of the most powerful …
Childhood Attachment Wounding
When we have childhood attachment wounding we will unconsciously recreate that attachment pattern in our adult relationships. This means we are recreating our childhood trauma in our adult life and that’s why it’s so painful. You might find yourself feeling …
One Way To Work With Your Critical Inner Voice
Did you grow up with critical parents? What were the comments that you heard? Did you get: You look fat in that Nobody cares if you are here or not You always make mistakes You are so clumsy You …
When You ‘Act Out’, It Might Be Your Inner Child Trying To Protect You
If it wasn’t safe to connect with your parents when you were a child, it makes sense that connecting with people as an adult will be scary to your inner child. One part of you might feel safe, but …
What Is Inner Child Work?
Inner Child work is part of many research-based psychotherapeutic models, including Transactional Analysis, internal family systems, EMDR, Gestalt Therapy, schema therapy, and narrative therapy. The reason why it is part of so many therapies is that it WORKS. We all …
How Cycle Breakers Are Shamed in their family
Being a cycle breaker is often exhausting because it takes energy to stand up and do something different from what has always been done in the family. You might notice ‘looks’ being passed between members or eye-rolling as you express …