“Shame is a painful emotion that is created because of a sense of failure to meet a certain standard. It sounds like: “I’m a failure, I’m a terrible person, I’m useless”. They are absolute statements about the self that make us want to hide. If it is left unresolved, shame can lead to feelings of anxiety, low self-esteem and depression. Brene Brown, a famous shame researcher, said, ‘Shame is the fear of disconnection’ Connection to others gives us purpose and meaning. It is ingrained in our DNA. In the past, if we were disconnected, we would likely die. Shame makes us think that we are not worthy of love and connection. It is easy to think that shame is only experienced by people who have experienced trauma, but that is not true. Research shows that the experience of shame is UNIVERSAL and cross-cultural. Read the caption for more information.”

Shame & Disconnection

September 20, 2022 0 Comments

In Brene Brown’s research, she identified twelve core areas where people feel shame:

  • Appearance and body image
  • Money and work
  • Motherhood/Fatherhood
  • Family
  • Parenting
  • Mental and physical health
  • Addiction
  • Sex
  • Aging
  • Religion
  • Surviving Trauma
  • Being stereotyped or labelled 

Shame is often hidden…for different people. Shame hides in various places:

  • Shame is being bankrupt
  • Shame is losing my job
  • Shame is being infertile
  • Shame is shouting at my kids
  • Shame is being 15 kilos overweight
  • Shame is being on antidepressants

Shame is difficult to talk about for obvious reasons…we feel shame about the topic we are discussing. Over the next few days, I will share research-based ideas to diffuse shame effectively.

Reference: Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly. Penguin Books: UK.

CategoriesHealing, Psychotherapy, Wellness
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