When someone comes at you with criticism, the natural response is to defend. Criticism is a form of attack, so it is natural to protect instinctively unless you know how criticism and defensiveness play out in a relationship. Those of …
Tag: non-defensive response
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Attunement in Relationships
When we are in long-distance relationships, the need to attune to one another is even greater. Dr Gottman has a fabulous acronym to remember in all relationships. Often, we have awareness, the first step, but we can struggle with the …
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How Do I Know If I Am ‘Showing Up?’
When we don’t ‘show up’ in our most intimate relationships, we limit the depth of connection that can be achieved. I think most of us want to ‘show up’, but we are held back. We are held back by: fear …
![3 Tips for when you are feeling defensive: Ask yourself where you CAN take some responsibility in this situation? (Not doing this can result in forms of gaslighting). Is the complaint or criticism real, or am I making it personal to me? How can I hear what my partner is trying to tell me? How can I validate their experience before I try to share my own?](https://i0.wp.com/cdn1.jennynurick.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/25_02_2021_3-Tips-to-Reduce-Your-Defensiveness-copy-scaled.jpg?fit=650%2C650&ssl=1)
3 Tips to Reduce Your Defensiveness
The four communication styles that have a negative impact on your relationships: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Everyone will have a favoured method. Mine is defensiveness. Defensiveness is a response to criticism and tends to increase conflict because the other …
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Attuning for Trust
When we are in long distance relationships, the need to attune to one another is even greater. Dr Gottman has a fabulous acronym to remember in all relationships. Often, we have awareness, the first step, but we can struggle with …