One of the clearest signs you’re responding from an old wound is that your reaction doesn’t seem to fit the situation in front of you. You might know you’re safe, but your body doesn’t. Your heart races, your chest tightens, …
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When You’re Triggered, You’re Not Responding From Your Adult Self
One of the most important things to understand about trauma is that when we’re triggered, we’re often not responding from our adult self. We’re responding from the age the wound was created. A disagreement with your partner might suddenly feel …
The Biggest Mistake People Make in Healing
One of the biggest mistakes I see people make in healing is trying to get rid of the parts of themselves they don’t like. The anxious part, the angry part, the avoidant part, the people-pleaser, the perfectionist. I get it …
Memory Reconsolidation: Why Your Brain Can Still Heal
One of the most exciting discoveries in neuroscience is something called memory reconsolidation. For years, scientists believed that once an emotional memory was formed, it couldn’t be changed. We now know that’s not true. When an old emotional memory is …
Sometimes Healing Is Helping a Younger Part Realise the Danger Has Passed
Today I had a strong somatic reaction that I couldn’t immediately make sense of. My heart was racing.My chest felt hot and tight.And although I knew I was activated, I didn’t understand why. The feeling stayed with me for about …
The Angry Teenager: One of the Most Misunderstood Parts in Therapy
One of the most common parts I meet in therapy is the angry teenager. And often, people can’t stand that part and feel ashamed of it. They tell me: “I don’t like this part.”“It’s mean.”“It’s reactive.”“It’s not who I want …
Family Secrets: How Carrying a Secret That Wasn’t Yours Can Shape Your Childhood
Did you grow up carrying a secret that wasn’t yours? When a child is asked to hold an adult’s secret — like an affair or a family betrayal — it can fracture their sense of safety, belonging, and play. In …